The Unimaginable

Here is a list of things I was worried/annoyed about on Thursday night at dinner (in order from least to most worry/annoyance):

  1. E. had learned a new song at school that week that was entirely made up of the names of fast food restaurants. This song was taught to him by his teacher.
  2. I smashed one of the espresso mugs that was my anniversary present to Q. last year (pottery for the eighth anniversary).
  3. The baby has only one kidney.

Here is the only thing I have cared about since:

My father was in a freak accident while on holiday in Barbados on Thursday. Specifically, he was playing in the waves and got caught by one unprepared.

He broke his neck. Specifically, he fractured the C2, C7, and T1 vertebrae.

He was airlifted back to Canada on Saturday and is in an ICU in his home city (not where I live, but not super far away either).

He is currently paralyzed from the neck down and unable to breathe on his own (that’s the C2).

We have been told by the ICU doctor that we need to prepare ourselves for the worst case scenario, which is a complete break of the spinal cord at the C2, which will likely mean permanent paralysis and a permanent need for a ventilator.

They ran CT and MRI scans yesterday and I am currently just waiting for someone to call me once they get the full report. Essentially, I am waiting for someone to confirm what we already know: our lives have changed forever in one instant, and my vibrant, healthy, strong father, my father who loves to ski and bike and golf and swim and wrestle with his grandson, no longer has a body that works.

I went to see him this weekend with my sisters and my brother-in-law to be. He is aware and alert (when not sleepy). He has no brain damage. Using a spelling tool rigged up by labmonkey he was able to move beyond “blink once for yes and twice for no” to ask us questions and tell us he loves us and he is glad to be home. He was concerned about the baby. Everyone is concerned about the baby, largely because my uterus completely freaked out on Friday with the cortisol and adrenaline flooding my system from shock and lack of sleep. It is much better now I have seen him. I have been in touch with my midwife and I know what is normal and what is not.

I came back on Sunday because I had to teach on Monday. Next week is my reading week, so I will be able to go back and swap out with one of my sisters, depending on what the situation looks like and what the next steps are.

It is real and it isn’t.

I know I am in shock.

It’s when I try to explain it to someone else that the magnitude of it hits me, the sheer, mindless, randomness of it.

A wave.

A FUCKING wave.

How?

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Filed under Anxiety Overload, Family, Grief, Me? Pregnant?!, Medical issues

All is as well as it can be

I’ve spent seven hours in the last two days in two of the best hospitals in the province, if not the country.

The baby has been scanned to what really is an excessive degree (but as the radiologist at the second hospital was telling me today, even when the hospitals are linked to share reports, it’s only documentation. They never share images. And no radiologist will trust another radiologist’s report if they can’t see the images that were used to determine the report. So I’ve now had three anatomy scans in nine days. The only bright spot is the two hospitals will only be able to partially bill the province for their scans, as you can only bill for one anatomy scan per pregnancy.)

The end result of all of these scans is as follows:
1. The baby is very flexible and can put his/her feet over his/her head and then play with his/her toes, wreaking havoc for techs who are trying to get clear images of one hand or one foot with no apparent extraneous digits.
2. The baby is growing normally and looks great.
3. The baby still has no left kidney. It is not hiding in the pelvis and there is no artery leading anywhere on that side like there is on the right. All techs and radiologists are quite sure it is not there.
4. The right kidney looks perfectly normal and appears to be functioning well as the amniotic fluid levels are good. The baby helpfully voided the bladder during the scan at the first hospital, which is another indication of a working kidney. The kidney is not any bigger than one would expect, but the doctors think it will probably get bigger to compensate for the absence of the other one.
5. The baby quite possibly will have some anomalies in the genitals, but we’ll have no way of knowing until after s/he is born. Possibilities include a missing fallopian tube or ovary or testicle, or issues with the vas deferens, or an oddly shaped uterus. Nothing we can do about this and we’ll just have to wait and see. It’s not uncommon with missing kidneys because the systems are linked to the same point of development.
The plan going forward is as follows:
1. Scan again in 5 weeks at the hospital where I will be delivering to check fluid levels and see if the right kidney is getting bigger, plus a consult with the paediatrician there to sort out what sort of tests will need to be run after birth. I am anticipating a referral to a paediatric nephrologist at the children’s hospital, and I may well meet with him/her before baby arrives just so we have everything in place.
2. Ultrasounds at some point for Q. and I to confirm that we each have two kidneys, as we don’t have proof of this. The genetics counselor wants to be sure it is something random and not something inherited. She’s pretty sure it is, but would like to just check off that box. Apparently unilateral renal agenesis (which is the fancy term for being born with one kidney) is around 1 in 1,000 births.
There is nothing in this diagnosis that requires me to move my pregnancy out of the care of the midwives, and there is no reason to think the baby will need to stay in the hospital after birth- the tests can all be done as an outpatient. Since we opted to do the Harmony screening, we already know the baby has no chromosomal issues. The only way to get more information would be through an amniocentesis. Both the genetics counselor and the maternal fetal medicine specialist offered it, but both also agreed with my assessment that there is no medical indication right now that such testing is warranted or,  indeed, likely to tell us anything more. From my point of view, it’s a no brainer- invasive test with a risk of miscarriage (even if very low) to probably not learn anything more? No thank you.
Oh yes, and 3. I am now referring to this baby as Phaselus (or P. for short) for the duration of the pregnancy, which is Latin for kidney bean.

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H is for Healthcare

Microblog_MondaysWhen we were in the trenches fighting to get our E., I was grateful, over and over again, that we lived in a big city in Canada. Sure, we spent an awful lot of our own money on infertility treatments, but I knew that there was so much more that was covered under our provincial healthcare: my laparoscopy, E.’s labour and delivery, the D&C after we lost pregnancy #2, the referrals to an endocrinologist to monitor my thyroid, etc. etc.

And because we were in a big city, I knew I was getting the best possible care. I had problems with Dr. L., certainly, but I never doubted that I was at an exceptional clinic.

Now I have reason to be grateful all over again.

I have an appointment on Wednesday, at one of the best hospitals in the province, for an ultrasound and then a meeting with a genetics counselor.

I have an appointment on Thursday, at another of the best hospitals in the province, for an ultrasound and then a meeting with a maternal fetal medicine specialist.

A week after the anatomy scan, we have appointments with specialists, who will be among the best in the world, to help us get answers and help us chart our way forward in this pregnancy. We have not had to wait. And we will never see a bill.

(Incidentally, my situation also illustrates the major weakness in our system: lack of communication. Both hospitals have decided they want to do their own ultrasound rather than rely on the original anatomy scan and the radiologist’s report, which is fine. But it’s a touch ridiculous that they can’t communicate with each other to save the cost of at least one of these follow up scans. We need electronic medical files desperately but I have no idea if we will ever get there.)

This post is part of #MicroblogMondays. To read the inaugural post and find out how you can participate, click here.

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At the mid-point

How far along? Twenty weeks. Exactly halfway! (Or a bit more than halfway if this baby arrives a couple of days early like E. did.)

Vital stats? I’m great. I guess there has been some bloat or digestive issues affecting the scale lately as the reading yesterday showed I’m up 11 lb total, which means I haven’t gained any weight since getting back from Christmas, and I really did gain only 1.5 lb over the holidays. I could gain a pound a week from here on in and still be well within the recommended weight range (currently on track for 31 lb, which is still higher than with E., but I’m fine with that). I am going to try to weigh myself less frequently, but I always feel like I could weigh myself less frequently on Saturdays because I get on the scale on Friday mornings. By Thursday I’m twitchy.

Other than the obvious issue of a likely missing organ, as discovered in our anatomy scan on Tuesday, the baby otherwise looks great. The umbilical cord has three blood vessels, just like it should. My placenta is anterior (again) and clear of the cervix.

How am I looking? Ooh, rather pregnant. Definitely popped a little in the last week or so, which makes sense because the baby’s movements have really gone up a notch in frequency and intensity. I am still dressing creatively to try to avoid having to buy more work clothes and so far I’ve done a lot better than I thought I would. I am going to go and pick up some second-hand nursing tank tops this weekend that I found on a local buy/sell mothers’ group, which should come in handy to layer under my cardigans and will hopefully be useful in the summer as the shirts I lived in during E’s first few months I threw out a year or so ago.

How am I feeling physically? Good. Other than running out of breath whenever I do things that didn’t used to be strenuous (like stair climbing), I feel fine. I’m hungry, but not outrageously so, and have no real food aversions. Still getting some round ligament pain. This is the first week where I’ve been able to feel where the baby is in my uterus just by how heavy one side or the other feels as I’m walking around.

How am I feeling emotionally? Not how I was hoping to be feeling after the anatomy scan, obviously. I’m having a hard time with the constant stream of “I know someone with one kidney and she’s fine!” stories I’m getting from everyone (I think I am up to fifteen). I understand they are meant to be reassuring and I really do appreciate the sentiment, but I feel like I won’t be able to properly appreciate these stories until our baby is born and we know for sure the existing kidney functions. Because if it doesn’t, our baby isn’t going to be fine. S/he could well die. And while the anatomy scan indicated that, as far as we can tell, that kidney is working as it should, we can’t be sure until the baby is born. And so, while I’m not exactly freaking out, I’m not without worry. I’m glad we’re going to have another two ultrasounds in the next couple of weeks, as hopefully we will learn more each time as the baby gets bigger and things get easier to see.

I also think we might get the official word on the sex. I think I need something to help me start thinking about this baby as a person, as my child, and knowing his/her name will probably help. I would say I’m 95% confident I know the answer, but I’m starting to feel that I need that certainty.

The whole mess has definitely helped me with my ambivalence about the baby stage. I always do best when I can plan and learn and prepare and get organized, and this has really raised my mama bear instincts. By the time this baby comes out, you can bet I will know everything I can about the situation and will have all the tests s/he will need lined up.

That said, I’m still not remotely looking forward to the actual day-to-day of life with a baby. I am so grateful this will be another spring baby so we can get the worst part over with in the summer. I don’t even want to think about what it would do to my mental health to have a baby in November.

Movement? I remember reading last time around that the baby has a big growth spurt around 17-19 weeks, and I really feel like this baby has just done that. There has been a huge change this week in the type of movement I’m feeling. Previously the baby was easiest to feel in the evenings when I was relaxing on the couch. This week I feel the baby all the time. I even saw my stomach ripple when I was teaching on Friday. The kicks and pushes are getting stronger and it’s now pretty much impossible to ignore or forget about my extra tenant. I haven’t encouraged E. to try to feel the baby yet because with the anterior placenta it’s still touch and go for Q., and I don’t want E. to be disappointed. But I can tell in a couple of weeks there will be no doubt.

 

How does it compare with E.’s pregnancy? Last time around I was obviously pretty excited to reach the halfway point, although I did note:

I can’t wait for this pregnancy to actually feel real. I’m halfway, and it STILL hasn’t sunk in that this is really happening.

I remember the second half of the pregnancy going by much faster than the first and expect it will be the same this time around, especially since I’m going to be flat out until classes end in April.

Last time I was also upset that I didn’t look more pregnant:

I have been wearing my maternity jeans all week. They are pretty comfortable, although it took me a while to get used to them. I was actually really disappointed the first night I put on the maternity jeans and a maternity top- it really brought home that my belly isn’t all that big, and that it isn’t one of those stereotypical cute preggo bellies that just pops out- it’s more of an all-around belly. So I just felt that it made me look fat and apple-shaped.

Looking back at the pictures, it is obvious I did not look fat. This time I’ve been out of the pudgy stage (I feel) for ages now.

This was also the first week I was positive I felt the baby move:

I’m 99% positive that I’ve felt the baby over the last couple of days. It’s always on my left side, quite low down, and usually in the evening (8-8.30 pm). The first couple of days it felt like a centipede running across my insides, but on Monday I felt what I really think were kicks.

I’m glad I’ve felt the baby so much earlier this time, but it’s interesting that the kicks and wiggles became so much stronger this week. It must have been the same last time and E. was finally able to make his presence known.

On my mind? Maternity leave. I FINALLY managed to have a meeting with the union rep and the employer’s rep on Friday morning and it was very very interesting. The short answer is I have more options than I thought I did, because the way the employer is willing to pay out the maternity leave is much more flexible than what is actually stated in the collective agreement. But I can’t make a full decision about what I’m going to do until I know what teaching I can expect to have in the fall/winter, which likely isn’t going to be sorted out until May. But it’s nice to have options. I could take an entire year off, as I will have accrued enough hours to qualify for EI maternity and parental leave, but I would lose my incumbency in any courses (although I would still accrue seniority as if I had accepted any contracts offered to me). I can say with confidence I won’t do this, not only because I can’t afford to lose incumbency but also because the idea of being at home for a full year is horrifying. But I may be able to take the entire fall semester off and return to my courses in January. The students will be pissed off because they hate changing course directors, but it’s no different than what I’ve done with two of my three courses this semester. The employer’s rep was confident that we could find a good compromise between looking after the baby and protecting my seniority.

Sleep? Sleep is good. The baby likes to have a good big wiggle right before I fall asleep, but it’s not strong enough to keep me awake. I found with E. that his kicks and wiggles never kept me awake the way other mums-to-be would complain, which I assume was because of the anterior placenta. Hoping for a similar result this time around.

Best moment? Three this week. On Tuesday, before the anatomy scan started, I was lying on the table, poking at my belly (as I am wont to do) and there was this incredibly hard spot on the bottom right side. I kept poking it and poking it wondering what on earth was going on, and then it swam off. Sorry baby! That was the first time the baby’s been big enough for me to identify it from the outside, even though I’ve been feeling movement for a month now. And then on Thursday night, Q. is pretty sure he felt the baby while s/he was doing his/her usual nighttime wiggling. And there was this very cute moment when E. was unwell on Wednesday and we were talking about his medicine and I was saying that you can’t given Children’s Advil to babies and he asked me, very seriously, “Do we have a plan to get the baby medicine when it comes out? Because if it is sick it will need medicine safe for babies. And my medicine is not safe for babies.”

Other stuff? There will be a whole bunch more medical appointments coming up as a result of the anatomy scan. I currently have another ultrasound and then an appointment with a genetic counsellor scheduled for next Wednesday (I need to try to call them to move the appointment as it’s conflicting with both my teaching and Q’s). I think the hospital wants to do its own scan before sending me to the genetic counsellor. And then there’s the follow up ultrasound which should be in mid-February, and will be at the hospital where I will deliver, as that will make it easier to keep everything in the system. And lastly my midwife has referred me for a maternal fetal medicine consult, so hopefully I’ll get that appointment fairly soon too.

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On a brighter note: bump and baby

19w1d web

19w1d- first belly pic of the pregnancy (for comparison, see this post from December 2010, when I was 18w3d with E. and my breasts were still bigger than my belly- clearly NOT the case this time around).

IMG_4242

Baby- 19w3d, at the anatomy scan. Only one kidney, but an awesome spine!

3d anatomy scan web

Wear his/her umbilical cord like a feather boa. And waving his/her hands in the air like she/he just doesn’t care.

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Nothing is ever simple

“Why don’t you go and empty your bladder,” said the nice ultrasound tech at my anatomy scan yesterday. “I’ll take a few more pictures and then the doctor will pop in for a look.”

“Does the doctor usually come in to see the scans?” I asked.

“Oh yes, most of the time,” insisted the tech.

Well, maybe that line works on first time mothers, but I have had an anatomy scan before (admittedly not at that same location) and I know it is NOT AT ALL normal for the radiologist to come in and consult during the scan.

Nor is it normal to have the radiologist and the tech stare at the same part of your baby over and over again with identical puzzled/furrowed brows.

Nor is it normal to have the radiologist ask the tech “Is it right or left you were looking at?”

At this point, you can picture me quietly freaking the FUCK OUT while trying not to move while they scanned and scanned and scanned. I knew it wasn’t the brain because I could see the part of the baby they were focused on. I thought heart or lungs.

I was wrong.

I forgot that we are supposed to have two kidneys.

My baby apparently only has one.

On a scale of “one to panic”, this is a “hiccup in pregnancy” as the radiologist put it. It is not brain or heart or spine. Provided the existing kidney functions as it should, there is no reason to think this will affect this baby in any real way except possibly make him/her more likely to develop hypertension. It also gives us an ironclad reason to forbid contact sports (no hockey, no football, no rugby- I am not at all heartbroken by this).

I am ok, mostly because labmonkey crunched all the data for me yesterday afternoon and told me that there were red flags they should have seen in the ultrasound if the existing kidney was not developing properly (even though they don’t come fully online until after birth, they are busy during the pregnancy processing amniotic fluid). I spoke to my midwife again this morning and she went over the report in detail. With the exception of the likely absent kidney, everything else looked perfect. So it is probable the existing kidney will work just fine, and there is no evidence that the baby has developed abnormally anywhere else on that same side (which was also a possibility).

Next steps are to meet with a genetics counsellor to discuss potential outcomes and a follow up ultrasound in three weeks’ time to check again and see if they can see anything else. My midwife is also arranging a consult during pregnancy with a pediatric kidney specialist so we can line up the baby’s care for after birth and make sure we have everything streamlined. At some point we will bring E’s paediatrician into the mix as she will be coordinating the testing once I leave the midwives. One big advantage to living in a big city in Canada- I have world-class medical care a short hop away by transit and I don’t have to pay for it out of my own pocket.

Right now there is no sense I have to transfer out of my midwives’ care or plan for a c-section. I will need to give birth in a hospital, but I think I had just about decided against the birth centre on my own anyway, so that is no big loss.

I am angry that, once again, nothing in my life to do with babies is simple. But I have also been quietly fretting about the anatomy scan for weeks now. I had a gut feeling something was wrong. And I have had too many friends who have been told at that scan that their baby was going to die to feel anything but relief that if there is something wrong with this baby, it is something that could ultimately be entirely inconsequential.

I hate that I am on a scale of “things aren’t perfect but they could be worse”. I would like to just have a perfect report. I would like to be one of those oblivious pregnant women who treats the anatomy scan as a way to learn the sex and whose biggest concern is whether to reveal with blue or pink icing in the centre of the cake or hide balloons in a big box.

But that’s not me. And that’s not my life or my experience of pregnancy.

And today, despite all the upheaval and emotion of the last twenty-four hours, I am still pregnant and there is no real reason to think we can’t bring home a healthy baby in June.

I am going to hold on to that.

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Almost halfway

How far along? Nineteen weeks (+1, as I was too out of control yesterday to get a post up).

Vital stats? Everything, I assume, is good. Still up more weight than I would like, and still checking weekly since I’m afraid I’ll gain a gazillion pounds if I don’t keep an eye on it. I am certainly not eating more than I was before getting pregnant, and I’m more active in terms of the walking I’m doing, yet I keep gaining, even though my usual diet has had me in a happy pattern of maintenance for years now. I don’t know how my body is storing it. I know it should not be a big deal, but it is seriously bugging me.

Also not pleased about the giant salad recall for potential listeria contamination, since we purchase at least some of the exact brands that have been recalled every.single.week. But I do not currently have any symptoms and I know the risk is low and hopefully that will be that.

How am I looking? Clearly pregnant. I actually wrestled Q. into taking a bump pic today (first one of the pregnancy), but I haven’t had time to get the photo off my camera. I’ll post it this week. I went to E.’s winter concert this week (singing JK kids- adorable!) and took off my jacket and all the mums who know I’m pregnant were really excited because it was so obvious without my massive winter parka.

I’m almost positive the secretaries at work are on to me. The saga of hiding it from the chair is hopefully almost over as I did see the union rep on Friday and now we have a meeting this coming Friday with the employer’s rep to clarify exactly what my entitlements are.

How am I feeling physically? Still good. I occasionally get hit by a sudden burst of exhaustion, but in general my energy levels have been fine. I’ve survived three weeks of teaching (which is a quarter of the semester) and although the pace is a wee bit frantic at times, I am still getting enough sleep. Round ligament pain is becoming more frequent.

How am I feeling emotionally? Super twitchy about the anatomy scan. I’m also now processing a whole lot of emotions that I haven’t really been dealing with, because I’ve been expecting all along to lose the pregnancy. Now that this seems much less likely to happen, I am having to squarely face the reality that there is going to be a BABY in this house in June. And the truth is, I’m not looking forward to it. I will hopefully have enough time at some point in the future to unpack how I am feeling, but the short answer is: I want another little person and I know I have to suffer through the baby phase to get there, but I am not exaggerating my feelings when I use the word suffer. I know some people love infancy. I really, really, really hated it.

I am really excited to be pregnant, and I am really excited to be a family of four, but I cannot honestly say I am excited about going through the whole baby thing again. A couple of mamas on E’s birth club have just had babies (their third) and I don’t look at the pictures and think “Ooh, I want to cuddle that,” I look at them and think, “OH FUCK we’re getting one of those again.”

I am, however, entirely set for the toddler. I am awesome at toddlers. E. and I have been watching videos from the summer we were in England when he was two and his little high pitched voice where he only pronounces the first syllable of every word just kills me.

Movement?  Pretty consistent. Some harder kicks now. I think Q. probably would be able to feel them if he had his hand in the exact right place at the exact right time, but that hasn’t worked out yet. Lots of wiggles and pushes. It’s obviously swimming around a lot in there because the kicks are mostly up high and then it will head down and sit on my bladder for a while. I can’t really feel movement when it’s down that low, but I know it’s there because I then have to run to the ‘loo every single hour.

We really need to come up with a nickname for the baby. I don’t think we’re going to find out the sex, so I can’t use a name. And Q. just calls it ‘bump’, which is what we called E., which I think is weird. But calling it ‘it’ is also weird.

How does it compare with E.’s pregnancy? Well, I called my nineteen week post last time “Almost halfway!” so I guess I felt pretty much exactly the same with where I was at. This was the week where I bought my maternity jeans (wearing a pair as I type).

I said this:

Definitely noticing that I run out of energy faster. This is probably the single biggest reminder that I am pregnant, as I will be belting along at my usual pace, and suddenly realize that I need to slow down or sit down. The insane hunger that started early last week seems to have tapered off somewhat.

This is exactly what happens to me every now and then. I just run right out of steam. Haven’t had the crazy hunger though- I still mostly get full much faster than usual.

I’ve made my peace with the fact that I’m not yet ready to be completely confident with this pregnancy, and that’s ok.

It’s not quite the same issue as last time around, but I definitely have not yet completely engaged with this pregnancy either. That’s ok too. It’s very hard for me to relax and trust things will work out. A good scan on Tuesday will help a lot.

On my mind? Still thinking about the birth centre/hospital issue. I am now maybe leaning more towards just going back to the hospital again. I think I thought the birth centre would be set up to handle more emergencies than it is (it’s basically stocked with the same equipment you would have available at a home birth). Obviously there are better facilities (showers/tubs/birthing balls/etc.) at the centre than there would be at home, and no mess in your house, but I wouldn’t ever consider a home birth (too anxious), so now I am not sure the birth centre will be a good fit. Need to book a tour and then see how we feel. One of the blogs I read just had a baby along with one of those crazy unlikely serious emergencies where the labour went from uneventful to emergency c-section in about 30 seconds. I know the birth centre is three minutes away from a hospital and they’d prep whatever was needed while we were in transit, but I am just not sure I have the mental fortitude to run that (small) risk, much as I would like to.

Otherwise I have been thinking mostly about work. Still out of control because E. ended up having to stay home from school on Thursday (bad cold), and I will miss my lecture writing time this Tuesday because of the scan. This week will be stressful but then hopefully, if E. can stay healthy, I will get a little bit ahead again (by which I mean not writing the lecture I have to give on Wednesday afternoons on Wednesday mornings, which is what’s going to happen this week).

I’ve also had a conversation with Q. about our savings priorities now that I am being paid again. (My first paycheque will be deposited tomorrow and I am RIDICULOUSLY excited about this. Keep in mind I haven’t been paid since August 2014, and not earning an income has been very bad for my mental health. The secretaries showed me on Friday how to look up my payslip online and I basically danced around my office afterwards.)

Sleep? Sleep is good. I am working really hard to make sure I don’t stay up too late working, because then I have a terrible time getting to sleep. I’m not usually getting up at night at the moment either, so I feel pretty well rested. E. was up a few times on Wednesday night (partly why he didn’t go to school on Thursday) and I was in a fog the next morning. I still find it hard to believe how well I functioned (or thought I was functioning) when E. was waking me up twice a night for more than year.

Best moment? Nothing stands out this week with the pregnancy. E’s winter concert was adorable. It felt a bit like a rite of passage, especially watching the grade eights who were the emcees (who towered over the kindies). He’s been doing really well in school since getting back from Australia. It’s possible it was because he was exhausted from jet lag and illness but I’m hopeful he’s just generally more settled.

Other stuff? My clingy cat has a runny eye, which she gets sometimes (it’s a feline herpes virus), but she’s having trouble fighting it off this time. We ended up taking her in to the vet just to make sure there wasn’t anything more we could do (which there wasn’t). I’m hoping she was just stressed with having me away over Christmas and the boys away. The alternative is that she’s stressing about the pregnancy- when I was pregnant with E. she went through this terrible phase of over grooming. I’m hoping she’s not going to start that up again.

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