On superstitions

I am not, by nature, a superstitious person.

Nor do I believe that everything happens for a reason.

I am an agnostic.

I believe life is random and the universe even more so.

But there are times I really start to question this.

You know the saying “bad things come in threes”?

I have been resolutely ignoring the small voice in my head that has been chanting this ever since the missing kidney and my father’s accident.

But now I’m just about willing to believe in it, if only because it might then mean that the universe will stop shitting on my family.

Yesterday I had my follow up scan at the hospital where I will deliver.

The scan was fine- the baby is perfect (except for the missing kidney) and the existing kidney is getting bigger to compensate just like we hoped it would. The specialist and the paediatric specialist both told me there is nothing to worry about with this pregnancy.

The last time I was in that hospital was the 4th of February- the day my father had his accident.

Yesterday I got out to discover my stepfather has another tumor in his bowel. We don’t yet know whether it is the original cancer which has metastasized after three years or if it is a new one. What we do know is it wasn’t there less than a year when he last had a colonoscopy and now it is big enough that it has broken through the intestinal wall and is affecting the kidney. So whatever it is, it is moving very quickly. Which, when it comes to cancer, I don’t think is ever good news.

As labmonkey said when we talked on the phone, “I don’t know how to go any more into shock. I don’t have any further levels of crisis to reach.”

It’s unbelievable.

But it’s happening.

FUCK 2016.

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1 Comment

Filed under Anxiety Overload, Family, Grief, Me? Pregnant?!, Medical issues

One response to “On superstitions

  1. Too much. Holding you in light.

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