The Unimaginable

Here is a list of things I was worried/annoyed about on Thursday night at dinner (in order from least to most worry/annoyance):

  1. E. had learned a new song at school that week that was entirely made up of the names of fast food restaurants. This song was taught to him by his teacher.
  2. I smashed one of the espresso mugs that was my anniversary present to Q. last year (pottery for the eighth anniversary).
  3. The baby has only one kidney.

Here is the only thing I have cared about since:

My father was in a freak accident while on holiday in Barbados on Thursday. Specifically, he was playing in the waves and got caught by one unprepared.

He broke his neck. Specifically, he fractured the C2, C7, and T1 vertebrae.

He was airlifted back to Canada on Saturday and is in an ICU in his home city (not where I live, but not super far away either).

He is currently paralyzed from the neck down and unable to breathe on his own (that’s the C2).

We have been told by the ICU doctor that we need to prepare ourselves for the worst case scenario, which is a complete break of the spinal cord at the C2, which will likely mean permanent paralysis and a permanent need for a ventilator.

They ran CT and MRI scans yesterday and I am currently just waiting for someone to call me once they get the full report. Essentially, I am waiting for someone to confirm what we already know: our lives have changed forever in one instant, and my vibrant, healthy, strong father, my father who loves to ski and bike and golf and swim and wrestle with his grandson, no longer has a body that works.

I went to see him this weekend with my sisters and my brother-in-law to be. He is aware and alert (when not sleepy). He has no brain damage. Using a spelling tool rigged up by labmonkey he was able to move beyond “blink once for yes and twice for no” to ask us questions and tell us he loves us and he is glad to be home. He was concerned about the baby. Everyone is concerned about the baby, largely because my uterus completely freaked out on Friday with the cortisol and adrenaline flooding my system from shock and lack of sleep. It is much better now I have seen him. I have been in touch with my midwife and I know what is normal and what is not.

I came back on Sunday because I had to teach on Monday. Next week is my reading week, so I will be able to go back and swap out with one of my sisters, depending on what the situation looks like and what the next steps are.

It is real and it isn’t.

I know I am in shock.

It’s when I try to explain it to someone else that the magnitude of it hits me, the sheer, mindless, randomness of it.

A wave.

A FUCKING wave.

How?

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10 Comments

Filed under Anxiety Overload, Family, Grief, Me? Pregnant?!, Medical issues

10 responses to “The Unimaginable

  1. Still thinking of you and saying a whole lot of prayers. I can’t believe the randomness of this either. Hang in there… and please let me know if there’s anything I can do. xoxo

  2. Jesus. I am just catching up on everything, but I wanted to stop and tell you I am sending you love and light and healing thoughts. I’m so sorry. Huge hugs.

    xoxo

  3. I don’t even know what to say besides I’m so fucking sorry. Thinking of you and your family.

  4. Stunned. Thinking of you all.

  5. I am so very sorry that this happened. You will be in my thoughts.

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  7. Mel

    I felt shocked reading this, so I imagine living it is unreal. I am so sorry. Sending so many good thoughts to your family.

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  10. Heather

    I am so sad for you about this. And I can relate about ICU that was a long time. Strength for the time ahead. We never know why things happen hey it’s hard.. And thanks for your kind words.

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