I went back in to the clinic yesterday.
Here is what I saw:
Not only was the baby still alive, it had a great heartbeat (158 bpm again) and it was moving. We are now officially past the loss point with the last pregnancy, so I feel a lot better about things. I still have a low level general worry about the health of the baby, which I imagine will continue (like it did with E.) right up until the moment where the baby is born healthy and alive, but otherwise I feel fairly relaxed about things. I’ve accepted there’s nothing I can do to change things, and I just have to trust my body can grow this one like it grew E.
Dr. B. now has me tapering pretty much all my medications. I’ll stop the aspirin and fragmin on Friday, the estrace and progesterone on Monday, and the metformin will be finished by Sunday. That will just leave me with my Vitamin D, the prenatal and my synthroid. I will be glad to see the end of all of them, but I’m especially looking forward to stopping the progesterone suppositories and the fragmin.
I will go back in next week for another scan and the Harmony blood test. I think it takes a little over a week to get the results back, so hopefully we will have the all clear before the 12 week scan on the 3rd of December (which is technically 11w5d, but I don’t think it will matter all that much).
I really like this new doctor. I wish I had switched earlier. I technically wasn’t supposed to go in this week, as he told me I could wait until I came in at ten weeks for the Harmony test, but I just didn’t want to go away for two weeks, as the last time I did that, the baby died and I spent two weeks thinking I was pregnant when I wasn’t.
My doctor didn’t care at all that I came back in, and said to me: “If you get any anxiety or worry at all, just come on in and visit us and we’ll check on the baby and make sure everything is fine.” He told me I was one of their nicest patients and they loved seeing me.
I am starting to feel better, just like I did with E. I no longer have to eat continuously to keep from throwing up, although now the problem is I’m used to all the snacks! I do still get nauseous, and I actually did throw up on Friday afternoon (I got motion sick on the bus coming down from the university, which I remember was also a problem when I was pregnant with E.), but generally things are better. I’ve noticed this pregnancy doesn’t have any specific cravings. With E. it was veggie sandwiches from Subway. With the last one it was veggie burritos and poutine. This one just wanted me to eat carbs- it wasn’t fussy about what kind. If I had a craving for something, I’d try it, but I never had the repetitive, week-after-week cravings I had with the last two.
I’m still sleeping well. It’s complicated by the fact that Q. has failed to adjust to the end of daylight savings, so he keeps waking up at ridiculous hours. But I usually just go back to sleep.
Last night we told E. I told him at dinner, which probably wasn’t the best idea as he was then too distracted to eat anything. His immediate reaction was: “Are you sure there’s one in your uterus?” When I asked if he wanted to see a picture, he said, “Yes please!” and then asked “Where is the baby?” when I gave him the ultrasound image. I guess he was expecting a picture of an actual baby. Once I pointed out the head and the arms and the body I could see him make sense of it.
His immediate concern was for the baby’s transportation: “But the baby will need a stroller. Do we still have our stroller? The one with three wheels? Yes? Well, we cannot sell it. We need to keep it for our baby.” When Q. asked if he thought the baby would need anything else, he announced, “Baby toys! And we have those from when I was a baby.” and then started to tell us about how he was growing a Baby Saskia (one of his stuffed animals- a snake) in his own tummy.
He also commented (right at the beginning): “Oh! Is this why you have been moving more slowly than usual?” I hadn’t realized I’d slowed down so much, but apparently he felt it was quite obvious.
There was lots of discussion about when the baby would come out (June) and how that was a long time away and how the baby was very small right now and how when it came out he could see what he was like as a baby. All and all it went well- there were no immediate protests or shouts of “No thanks!”, which is what I was half expecting. We didn’t tell him this means I won’t go to Australia. We might just lie to him and tell him I can’t go because I have to start teaching my courses earlier. We don’t usually lie to him, but if I can come up with a way to spin the change so that it’s not the baby’s fault, I’d prefer to use that.
I also told my Mum and stepfather this morning (via Skype). They were obviously thrilled. My stepfather cried so much he had to step away from the computer. We’ll tell my father and stepmother, and Q.’s mum and sisters too, and that will probably be it until we get past the twelve week mark. Once Q. and E. go to Oz and I don’t, we’ll have to explain that to people, but luckily that coincides with hitting twelve weeks, so it should all work out.
Funny that. It might just all work out.