Scan was fine this morning. I had another tech who scanned and scanned and clicked and clicked and stared at the screen and didn’t say anything until she was completely done, at which point she turned the screen to show me the baby, which was manifestly bigger and had leg and arm bumps and was in the gummie bear phase I can remember with E. I was proud that I didn’t start to panic. I am still worried, especially as we are now right where the last one died, but I am doing a better job of just going with the moments. I still don’t feel like I have all that much invested in this pregnancy, I guess because we didn’t spend thousands of dollars on IVF in order to get here. It was a surprise. Not an unplanned surprise, but a surprise nonetheless, and I am prepared to continue to be surprised by it (good or bad) as we continue.
Administrative notes: Dr. B. told me to start to taper the prednisone (yay!) but left me on everything else, including the fragmin (boo!).
The baby was measuring exactly on target at 8w3d and had a heartbeat of 158 bpm. It wasn’t moving yet. I wasn’t so thrilled about that, because the last one wasn’t moving at this ultrasound either, and I thought E. had been, but I just went back and looked at my posts and E. at 8w4d was measuring ahead (8w5d) but wasn’t moving. He was wiggling around by the following ultrasound at 9w6d. So I don’t know why I remembered he had been moving by this stage. Another good reason for blogs- they keep your memory honest. E’s heartbeat at this stage was 172 bpm. The last one had a heartbeat of 148 bpm. See, there is basically nothing to choose between them. One of them was a good baby and the other one wasn’t. We will have to wait and see what the result is with this one.
Q. and I have decided to pay out of pocket (about $500) for the Harmony non-invasive prenatal screening test, which is one of the newish blood tests that looks for fetal DNA in the mother’s bloodstream and uses it to analyze potential problems (mainly the three trisomies). The deal in Ontario is that women who have a bad nuchal scan at the twelve week mark are offered the blood test for free, but if you pay out of pocket you can get it from 10 weeks. Ordinarily Q. and I would probably have waited, but the twelve week scan is scheduled for right before Q. and E. are flying to Australia to spend Christmas with his family. (I am no longer going because of the pregnancy- we are just not willing to have me fly all that way. We have yet to tell E. this. It should be an absolute shit show when we do.) We didn’t want to run the risk of me being left here alone to deal with a bad nuchal scan result and potentially more testing and potentially difficult decisions. We felt it was worth paying money to buy us a bit more time for decision making (and hopefully we won’t need it). And really, this baby was such a bargain! I spent more on intralipid infusions for the pregnancy I lost than we’ll spend on the Harmony test, to say nothing of the IVF.
I was debating between Harmony and Panorama, because both are available in Ontario (Panorama is a couple hundred dollars more expensive). My doctor strongly recommended Harmony, partly because they can do the blood draw right in the clinic, instead of having to send me off to a specific group of labs, but mostly because he feels the microdeletions that Panorama also tests for are just a whole can of crazy waiting to be opened. He feels we all probably live with microdeletions, that most people don’t really understand what they mean, and that interpreting the test adds a layer of anxiety that no one needs. I was on the fence, so I appreciated his strong opinion. It’s pretty easy for me to move to Crazytown, and I’d rather not take up residence there for no good reason.
I still feel sick most of the time. It’s like it was with E., where I get sicker as the day progresses and am at my worst in the late afternoon/evening, but it’s much much worse. I still haven’t thrown up but I’ve been gagging a lot, and I had to leave the library early yesterday because I was positive I was going to throw up. I have also gained a truly alarming amount of weight for this stage (especially when compared with E.’s pregnancy where I was still down a pound at eight weeks), but I can’t see how to fix that, as if I don’t eat continuously (and mostly carbs) I feel unbelievably sick. I’m eating smaller meals to try to accommodate the snacking, but there’s no getting around the fact that my normal diet does not include copious quantities of Triscuits. I am going to try to get some more walking in. I think the fatigue is getting better, which is a good thing as if I don’t start writing lectures for next semester soon I am going to be in all sorts of trouble.
Also, I was in and out of the clinic this morning in 45 minutes for the second week in a row. Because I can’t get in until I’ve dropped E. at school, I always arrive at the tail end of cycle monitoring, which means my doctor has cleared all of his backlog and can see me as soon as I’ve had my ultrasound. This marks a huge change from my original doctor, who never used to even turn up until 8:30, at which point he’d have this giant pile of charts waiting for him. I am still having a very hard time with being at the clinic, even for this lovely reason, so it makes a big difference to get out of there so quickly.