It has been hard for me, this past year.
Hard to be
unemployed without paid work (for, as Q. pointed out to me, over and over again, I did have a job, just not one that society values).
I have had a lot of time to sit and think. Probably too much time to sit and think given my natural propensity for thinking/fretting/planning.
I went round and round and round in my head.
My thoughts were a maelstrom.
And then, at last, there was stillness.
I still don’t know what I’m going to be doing this year.
I still don’t know what I’m going to do in the future.
I don’t know whether I will have a ‘job’ or a ‘career’.
But I realized the only thing I really needed to understand in order to be able to move forward.
Absolutely nothing is more important to me right now than having control over my time.
Not salary. Not the type of work. Not the opportunities for promotion.
I do not have to work in an office for eight hours a day.
And I am choosing not to.
I don’t know what’s coming next.
But now I know I’ll recognize the opportunity when it happens.
Because finally, finally, I know what I want.