One thing leads to another (or does it)

I did two things yesterday that may or may not prove to be related.

I made a phone call to my clinic and left a message asking if I could switch my primary care provider from Dr. L. to Dr. B.

And I did our taxes.

We knew we were going to get a decent refund this year. Q. was on overload last year and they messed up the payments, so he ended up getting the extra pay in one lump in January 2014 and was taxed too much as a result. We had medical expenses. RRSP deductions. Tuition credit transfers. Daycare costs. Plus the new family tax credit, which we could take full advantage of given I had such a low income last year (that was the painful part of doing our taxes: realizing I made TEN percent of Q’s gross salary last year. Ouch. I need a job.).

The final number was very positive.

IF we decide to do it, one final IVF cycle is manageable. We won’t have to draw on long-term savings. And we won’t exhaust our short-term savings to the point that I’ll lose sleep over it.

So the door is open if we want to walk through.

My clinic called me back that same day. Dr. B. is happy to have us.

I booked a follow up appointment for the first of April.

I will make very clear to him what our stance is.

We are not committed to trying again.

We want someone to look at our chart and our history and give us an honest assessment of where we stand.

Dr. L. is too optimistic. He’s not interested in giving his patients statistics or hard answers. And after his emotionally manipulative tricks during our last meeting with him, I will never work with him again.

Dr. B. is different. I’ve watched him in the clinic. He runs on time. He doesn’t disappear at random intervals and throw his entire schedule into disarray. He has online reviews where people complain about his lack of bedside manner in that he didn’t pull punches and gave them hard truths that they didn’t want to hear.

I told the secretary we felt it was time for a fresh set of eyes.

If Dr. B. is willing to give us our sober second opinion, we’re willing to hear it.

We may not act on it. I’m still fluctuating wildly between desperately wanting to have a second child and being perfectly content with what I have already. I spend one night googling “five year age gap between children” which makes me want to have a second and the next googling “stopping at one child” which makes me want to just move on and be happy. The pendulum swings daily, sometimes multiple times a day, and I am no closer to recognizing which side it seems to be settling on.

But we’ll see what he has to say. And if he’s anything like Dr. L., we’re done. If he recommends to us that we go home and love the child that we do have and stop trying to have any more, we’re done. If he has a treatment plan and clear, specific reasons for why he thinks it might work, we’ll see.

6 Comments

Filed under Lonely Onlies?, Money Matters, Second Thoughts, Three's Company

6 responses to “One thing leads to another (or does it)

  1. A fresh set of eyes is a wonderful idea. I prefer hard truths also, as you know, even when everyone is saying “things look great!” šŸ™‚

    Xxoo

  2. I hope Dr B is what you are looking for, no matter which path you take!

  3. A fresh set of eyes can never hurt. And I always prefer a doctor who is a straight shooter. I’ve always said at work that a doc can be the biggest asshole in the world, as long as he cuts straight. I hope that you get some clarity from your appointment, and can find peace no matter what the outcome.

  4. I am glad you are doing this: I think it will be important for your moving forward, regardless of which direction you and Q choose. I also prefer my doctors to have bad bedside manners – I like the straight talk.

  5. I am so happy for you. I feel like this last meeting puts more power back in your hands. If you walk away, you’re doing so making a conscious choice not to put yourself through more in light of sound data. I think this would be so good for the healing process. Of course, my secret wish is that this new doc says go for it, you have your rainbow baby and ride off into the blissful sunset. But door #2 looks pretty darn good too. Look forward to hearing about your appointment.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s