There is a pot of money sitting in our high-interest savings account.
On the spreadsheet where I keep track of things, it’s labelled as “short-term savings”.
It’s not our emergency fund.
It’s not the bit of money we were given by Q.’s mother earlier in the year (which is sitting in the HISA until we figure out what we are going to do with it).
It’s our miscellaneous money.
Here’s what we’ve been thinking of using it for:
- top up our TFSA, RRSP and RESP savings to make up some of the shortfall we’re now building because I’m not working
- put it towards a cottage vacation next year
- finish the landscaping in the side/back yard so it will actually be a space we want to use
- help offset the cost of demolishing our ridiculous shed and replacing it with a smaller option (a part of the side/back yard project that Q. thinks he can do himself)
All good things that would benefit the family we do have.
I will give you all one guess as to what I currently want to use it for.
I don’t know how to reconcile my heart and my head.
Logically I can appreciate that it makes no sense whatsoever to cycle again.
It would be, at the very least, financially irresponsible.
Q. and I are not financially irresponsible people.
But my inner voice just won’t let it go.
It argues that when it comes to long-protocol fresh IVF cycles where we transfer two blastocysts, we have a decent strike rate.
Four blasts transferred.
Two turned into embryos.
Admittedly, we’re not doing so well with the final outcome as only one of the four ever became a baby that we brought home, but that’s not to say that the next cycle wouldn’t be successful.
Or so my inner voice argues.
I have no idea how to shut her up.
There is only one positive coming out of this entire experience.
For once in my life, I am not eating my feelings.
It’s like my body has finally realized that no amount of chocolate cake is going to make this better.