2.0 FET #3, 9dp5dt

We’ve been away, so I’ve been out of the loop with reading my feedly and keeping up with everyone’s news. It was nice, to have grandparents around to spoil E. (and wear him out) and to have some distractions to try to keep me from overanalyzing. (It didn’t really work.)

I keep thinking I should post on here, but I don’t know what to say. I’ve said all of it before. So many times before.

I’m either pregnant or I’m not.

I think I am, but given my track record when it comes to this type of gut feeling, it’s probably just the progesterone messing with my head.

It feels like it did in December.

I try to tell myself that it means nothing, but it’s too late: the hope genie is out of the bottle and there’s no shoving her back in, no matter how hard I try.

Whatever.

If it didn’t work, it’s going to hurt, whether or not I try to convince myself ahead of time that it failed. And if it has failed, maybe I’ll write a post so that women who google “full feeling in abdomen” or “cramps like AF is coming” or “strange outburst of acne” will find it and realize, as I should have realized, as I should know from past experiences, that these really are meaningless symptoms when it comes to being pregnant or not.

I’m so tired.

I just want to know. I’ve had the “to test or not to test” debate with myself over and over. I don’t think I can rationalize spending money to find out something that I’m going to find out for free. Plus as long as I don’t test the hope genie can keep flitting around spreading her ridiculous optimism.

Beta in three days.

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6 Comments

Filed under 2.0 FET #3, Second Thoughts, Symptoms

6 responses to “2.0 FET #3, 9dp5dt

  1. this, this, exactly this. I’ve got the urps today, and keep thinking ‘ah ha! perhaps!’ and then have to ratchet that genie back to a reasonable hovering height.
    Oh my dear, my fingers are all crossed for you. Good luck with the next few torturous days: I hope you have a good book or two! (Devil in the White City was one I liked recently. Full of murder and historical facts. An odd mix, but it works).

  2. Thinking of you! Fingers crossed!

  3. Fingers tightly crossed.

  4. Oh friend I wish nothing but a BFP for you!

    I had just written a novel of a comment here about my past history of using hpts. I started crying so hard I had to put my phone down and walk away. When I came back my comment was gone. Just as well. Some wounds never heal I suppose.
    Take care of yourself.

  5. Yes…the been there before and not knowing what to say because it is already said…So say it again. Each time is different.
    May this be the month for you. I never felt a thing when I got my BFPs.

  6. an eternity… holding up all my hope for you.

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