How far along? Seven weeks.
How am I feeling physically? From a pregnancy perspective, I don’t have a lot to complain about. I’ve still got that heavy/full feeling- some days it feels like there’s a rock in my abdomen- but the cramping has pretty much eased off. I think the bbs are looking a bit bigger and darker. No spotting, but I wouldn’t expect to see any regardlesss of what was happening given how much progesterone I am injecting every night. I am getting quite a lot of low grade nausea, especially in the afternoon, but it’s very hard for me to tell if this is related to being pregnant or just after effects of the food poisoning/horrible gastro virus that nailed E. and I late last week.
I am noticing some weird things with food now, in that I’ve completely lost my sweet tooth (this is very very unusual for me), and I am starting to get random ideas about foods that would be really delicious at the particular moment when I’m thinking about them. Thus far these have included: pickles (I know, such a stereotype), those pre-made frozen hash brown things (which I don’t even like), chips, french fries, chicken pot pie with mashed potatoes and frozen corn and peas. Even KFC has seemed like a good idea (again, somewhere I never go because it always, without fail, makes me horribly sick. I think the last time I went was when I was in the first trimester with E. and before that it must have been at least five or six years). So basically I seem to want salt and grease and potatoes. But unless the food is RIGHT THERE when I think it’s a good idea, it’s never as good an idea when it becomes available. Q. bought me a jar of pickles when he did the groceries on Friday (and made no jokes about it either), and I’ve been eating them, but they just haven’t been that amazing. It’s like I fall in love with the IDEA of a pickle, but the reality never meets my expectations. I remember being exactly like this with veggie subs from Subway in the first trimester with E. I think I ate one every week and never once felt like it was what I had imagined it would be.
I am mostly recovered from the hours of vomiting on Thursday night, although I felt pretty weak for most of the weekend. It’s also been hard to adhere to my f/s’ request that I take things easy this week. It was ok on Friday when E. was so sick too, but over the weekend he was just sick enough to be cranky and miserable and incapable of entertaining himself, but not so sick that he would just roll around on the floor for a couple of hours, like he was doing on Friday. So his mood, plus his refusal to tolerate more than forty minutes of ‘quiet time’ in his crib, plus my attempts to stay on the couch as much as possible, made for a pretty toxic combination. It didn’t help that Q. was busy all day Saturday sorting out the cleaning, the cooking, etc., and then had to go to work on Sunday to do the work he should have been doing Thursday/Friday when he instead ended up having to teach my class. It just made for far too much one-on-one time with E. when we couldn’t get out of the house. I’m being very restrictive with the amount of YouTube videos he’s watching (he is in love with Mighty Machines- 25 minutes per episode and Canadian!), which isn’t helping, but it has to be done because he’s associating being sick with not going to nursery school and staying home and watching videos. I think he was actually pleased with himself for throwing up at dinner last night because he knew what that meant (the FIRST thing out of his mouth after he threw up was: “You threw up. You can’t go to nursery school tomorrow. You too sick. You can stay home with Mummy and watch videos.”) So while in the short-term it would be infinitely easier right now to just keep the YouTube hits coming, I don’t like the associations he’s building. I’m mostly a bit frustrated that he should have been at nursery school for three days of this week, and now I’m left hoping he’ll be ok on Wednesday so I can get at least one full day with my feet up without a pint-sized dictator yelling at me for hours on end.
How am I feeling emotionally? Anxious, but trying not to stress about things. There’s nothing I can do about how sick I got, and I’m hoping the very violence of my reaction meant it got out of my system quickly.
E. and I Skyped with both sets of my parents yesterday (so we wouldn’t end up killing each other while confined inside by ourselves for yet another day), and I’ve decided I don’t want to talk to them again until we’re ready to say something. It’s just too hard to have this massive secret eating away at me while I’m giving them evasive answers to questions like “What’s new?” and “What have you got planned this week?” My poor mother wants me to send her my measurements because she wants to make me a summer dress…and I can’t tell her she’s wasting her time for this summer at least since it won’t fit me.
Last time we told them after the eight week ultrasound. I think we’ll probably do the same this time around too, as I’ve read in a few places that if there’s still a good heartbeat at eight weeks the chances of miscarriage become very small. I guess if we turn up on Thursday and my doctor tells us not to come back for two weeks we might tell them sooner.
How does it compare with E.’s pregnancy? This is what I had to say last time:
Honestly, I don’t think I’ve had anything in the way of symptoms this week. Even the pressure in my abdomen isn’t very noticeable. Of course, this now means that I’m worried something has gone wrong.
Yep. Pretty much true this week as well, so that’s reassuring. Apparently I also had no sweet tooth at this point last time around too.
The big difference is I’m still on the PIO shots because I haven’t broken out in insane fully body hives (hurray for castor oil). So that’s a definite improvement. The night of vomiting sucked, but it wasn’t really a result of being pregnant, and honestly, even three and a half years later, I still feel the hives were worse. Fingers crossed I stay hive free and can stick with the PIO shots to the end of the first trimester (I can’t believe I’m writing that- I HATE the PIO shots, and so does Q.).
On my mind: Nothing really baby related this week. I’ve been too nervous as a result of the ultrasound report and then the masses of vomiting to feel confident about thinking about the future. The only thing I’ve done is (very casually) started doing some internet searches for photographers. I never did a maternity shoot or a newborn shoot when E. was born, and that has been, by far, my biggest regret. If this works out, I’m not making the same mistake twice. Plus I want to build a relationship with a photographer because I want to get into a pattern of doing family photos once a year. I am sick of never being in any pictures myself!
My September 2014 birth club is this really really weird mix of a whole bunch of women pregnant after losses/infertility (including a stillbirth and an infant death) and a sizeable group of (mostly very young) mothers whose first child is still well under a year and who clearly were not trying to get pregnant again. It makes for some odd discussions, especially as people are still feeling each other out and finding out what kind of tone is appropriate. There seems to be a much higher percentage of women who already have living children, which I am hoping means will cut down the crazy when everyone starts talking about their opinions on labour, pain relief, circumcision, breast feeding, cloth diapers, etc. Hopefully it can be a quick learning curve and we’ll reach the point of recognizing that “we are each the best mother for our child and who cares what anyone else thinks” relatively painlessly.
Sleep? Disrupted, because E’s been up once a night almost every night this week. Most nights I’ve gone right back to sleep but one night he woke up at 4 a.m. and I was up for the day. Otherwise, I’ve been sleeping really well and haven’t been waking up early. There have even been a couple of mornings where I slept in past 7 a.m.!
I have been noticing a lot of fatigue in the early evening. I think this was related to being sick, as it was at its worst on the weekend, when I almost fell asleep at the table in between the soup and the main. It’s not debilitating yet, for which I think I probably have the prednisone to thank.
Best moment: Seeing a good strong heartbeat at the ultrasound, even if the rest of the appointment wasn’t as great with all the talk of risk of miscarriage and empty second gestational sacs and me taking the week off work. Getting a hug from my midwife whom I haven’t seen since spring 2011 was also great. She told me she had been waiting for me to call!
Other stuff: On Wednesday I had my first appointment with my primary midwife. She was my back up during E’s pregnancy but ended up delivering E. because she was the one on-call the weekend he was born. I really love her and trust her so much, so it was just wonderful to have the chance to see her. I made sure to bring E. (who was bored senseless by the entire thing) just so she could see him. We had a good chat, and while it’s a moot point now, she told me that if I ended up with twins it wouldn’t be the case that I would be automatically transferred out of her care. If the twins were low risk (i.e. had their own placentas and their own sacs), then she could share care with an OB. If they were sharing a placenta, she’d have to transfer me out, but she told me she’d be willing to keep seeing me for emotional support, would attend me during labour and would provide the aftercare.
Seriously. Midwives. They’re amazing.
Anyway, it is all a moot point, but I’m looking forward to seeing her again at the eleven week mark, which should be right before I graduate from the clinic. She’s then away on vacation for a month, so we thought it made the most sense to touch base then, and then I’ll see her again around 16 weeks.
Up next: Another clinic visit on Thursday. I’m really hoping to see a happy, growing baby with a good heartbeat. Ideally that second sac will have reabsorbed or be well on its way to doing so. And if I’m really really lucky maybe the clot will be gone too. Fingers crossed.