Where I’m at

  • I started Lupron yesterday. I decided to start it two days early (and will stop the bcps two days early as well to stay in line) because the more I looked at the calendar, the more I worried that my f/s was cutting it too fine with our timings. We could *just*  manage it if the transfer was on Boxing Day, as Q. and E. could come down to meet me and then we could drive to my father’s house, but anything later would throw a huge wrench in our holiday plans. I’d rather get it done a bit earlier and have to figure out what to do if we’re still out of town when it’s supposed to be beta day.
  • I STILL have Fragmin bruising/lumps on my stomach, which I’m trying to avoid with the Lupron. At least they’re tiny needles. E. ended up watching me do the injection this morning and didn’t seem remotely bothered by it.
  • I’ve had really annoying breakthrough bleeding for the last three days. The first day I  panicked and had to check with Dr. Google that this wasn’t going to ruin the cycle, but apparently it’s really normal. I’ve never experienced it with bcps, especially after only being on them for eight days. Oh well. If it means AF turns up quickly when I stop the bcps on Saturday that will work in our favour.
  • The insane fog of exhaustion seems to have lifted, and I’m back to feeling more like my normal self.
  • I did our finances for the month last night and it looks like we have *just* enough left in the 2.0 fund we built up over the last year to pay for the IVF and the ICSI. If we decide to use the embryoscope and/or if we have embryos to freeze we’ll have to find that money somewhere else, but at least the base cost of the cycle is covered.
  • I am still struggling big-time with not living up to my own expectations with the PhD, even though the more I think about it the more I realize how insane it is that it was ever possible for me to finish on time despite taking a six month maternity leave and working part-time hours for the next two years. Once the cycle starts in December, I am taking the view that my two priorities for that month are the IVF and E. Any dissertation work that gets done will be a bonus. I am scaling it right back and will pick up the pieces in January if I need to. From e-mails with my supervisor it doesn’t look like it would make any sense to give him a draft before mid-February as he’s away for most of January, so I’ll have time to sort things out.
  • There is a huge Winners down the street from the clinic. This is a problem. I’m going to have to stop going in there looking for a specific Bruder truck because I’m apparently incapable of getting out the door without buying E. another puzzle.
  • I am feeling almost exactly like I did before the cycle in August 2010 that produced E.: committed to it, but resigned rather than hopeful. Maybe this is a good head space for me. I feel like we need now to tick all the boxes so we can say we did everything we could, and then we can move on with the rest of our lives.
  • I really, really appreciated the comments on my last post. Your support means the world to me. Thank you.


Filed under 2.0 IVF, Anxiety Overload, Medical issues, Medications, My addled brain, PhD, Second Thoughts

2 responses to “Where I’m at

  1. Oh I think that is the exact headspace you should be in. You know you’d regret not trying for a sibling….and I reall think it will work. If it doesn’t then you know you tried. I seriously don’t regret that we tried. I mean I regret the money lost (obvi) but I think in the scheme of life it’s worth that for peace of mind.

    So glad you updated, I’ve been wondering how you are doing. Good luck!

  2. It’s good that you are prioritizing and focusing on the IVF right now. No doubt you’re doing an excellent job in every aspect of your life but physically we have our limits. I can’t even do half of what you do – I feel overwhelmed just reading your previous post! I’m bad at multitasking and am truly amazed at how you can handle work, studies, parenting and ivf. Wishing you best of luck, it’s a bold step to take and regardless of the outcome, you won’t regret doing it.

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