Running on empty

Bullet points on what’s happening chez Turia

  • Yesterday I started the PIO shots. I had a lot of anxiety leading up to the first injection, but Q., bless him, hasn’t lost his touch and I barely felt the needle. The castor oil does take much more effort to inject, and I’m already developing some soreness. We’re doing them first thing in the morning on the nurse’s recommendation so I have the day to walk around and move the muscle. This makes sense, but it is problematic getting them done while also getting E. breakfast before he starts shrieking. While we were doing the shot this morning and E. was wailing in his crib at the top of his lungs because he wouldn’t stay downstairs while we did it, and we needed to contain him, because the LAST thing he needs right now is to watch Daddy give Mummy a needle, I looked at Q. and said, “Remind me again why we want to have two of them?”
  • I had a dream last night that I was pregnant, and then in the dream I realized it had to be a dream because I hadn’t even had the transfer yet and had only done one PIO shot. And then I thought I was awake, until I woke up and realized I hadn’t been. A dream within a dream.
  • All the meds are starting to take a toll. I’m exhausted all the time, and it must be from one of the meds (or some combination) as I spent all summer needing barely any sleep. I’m also very short-tempered. This is not a good combination given E.’s current state of mind.
  • Holy separation anxiety, Batman! E. is a MESS. He has spent this entire weekend melting down at the drop of a hat. This morning he just yelled and cried non-stop from the moment I went in to get him out of the crib to when he went down for a nap (this is an exaggeration, but not by much). I had to give myself a time-out as I was about to start yelling myself. I think we are not going to make pancakes for the next few months. It’s too unpleasant dealing with E. having to wait for breakfast. At lunch today we asked him why he was so sad, and he replied, “I no want Mummy to go away when I’m at school.” That’s what is underlying ALL of his behaviour right now. He will be playing with his toys, or otherwise perfectly content, and then he’ll just stop, burst into tears, and cry out, “Mummy no go away!” We are trying to give him lots of extra love and support and comfort, but it is hard to stay patient when he is yelling at us ALL.THE.TIME.
  • I need to stop asking him things and just start doing them. Don’t ask if he wants fruit- cut it up and put it on a plate and put it out. He just says ‘no’ on principle to everything right now and works himself up into a tizzy.
  • He had his best day yet at nursery school on Friday and even took a nap there, despite him melting down when I went out the door to teach my first class of the semester (and he continued melting down for twenty minutes until it was time for him and Q. to walk to school). He liked eating lunch and playing outside, even though he was “a bit sad at school”.
  • I need to get my hands on a copy of Llama Llama Misses Mama. Stat.
  • I think my first class went well. I could have thirty, but only have twenty-two registered at the moment. If it stays like that, it will be amazing- so much less marking.
  • Q. arrived back home safe and sound (and even earlier than expected!) Thursday night. The only advantage to him being utterly and completely exhausted is he doesn’t seem to be experiencing any jet lag. In fact he’s less sleepy than I am. He has coped manfully with arriving into a household filled with a sister-in-law, an irate, anxious and overwrought toddler, and a stressed-out and over-medicated wife.
  • On that note, I wish I could say to people who get caught up in the vision of romance and true love presented to us in movies and what not: “That’s not real love. Real love isn’t chasing after someone in an airport. Real love is being willing to stick a needle in your wife’s ass when she needs you to, and making sure you learn how to do it well so you don’t hurt her.”

This too shall pass. This too shall pass. This too shall pass.

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3 Comments

Filed under (Pre)School Days, 2.0 FET#1, Anxiety Overload, Butter scraped over too much bread (a.k.a. modern motherhood), E.- the third year, Emotions, Family, Medications, Second Thoughts

3 responses to “Running on empty

  1. Dear God, if the shipping didn’t cost more than the book, I’d gladly send you our copy of Llama, Llama. Actually, I think we may have abandoned it as MIL’s because we all hated it. I am glad we sleep-trained (to the extent that it worked, which was let’s say limited), and that book still made me feel awful about it. The Bean does have a thoroughly adorable stuffed Llama inspired by the book (which is why my cousin bought it in the first place). Maybe there’s a better book that deals with daytime separation?

    Meanwhile, if you find you miss pancakes, I can offer that when we make them, we throw the cooled ones in a ziplock bag in the freezer. They defrost and warm up very nicely in a couple of minutes in our toaster (not even a toaster oven). Nice if pancakes are a food that work for you (as they have sometimes been for the Bean) but you don’t have time to make them.

  2. I feel like we’re living parallel lives right now… I may not be injecting myself full of hormones, but perimenopause is making me into a raving lunatic… lol…

    I wish I had some good assvice on separation issues, but I think it’s such an individual thing for each child. With the wee woman, it’s a tough live thing. Basically tell her that she has no choice, and that is that. Smile, and reassure her that she’ll have fun. And it works- we’ve never had separation issues that last more than a day or two. But I know that just wouldn’t work for every child. Sigh… parenting is so tough.

    I was going to recommend the freezing pancake thing as well. Works like a charm!

    Hugs to you… so many changes happening right now. It’s incredibly overwhelming. xoxo

  3. Nity

    Sending you a big HUG!!!!

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