Sometimes I hate being right…

Thanks for all the comments on my last post. I am going to start writing, I promise. Just not today, for reasons that will become clear below.

Yesterday I gave E. a whole lot of yoghurt, because I was tired of not being able to figure anything out definitively with the dairy situation. I was still convinced he was reacting to me eating it, and Q. still thought it was all in my head. And I felt that the reacting was getting worse and E. was becoming progressively more ‘not quite right’. But he’s still teething (oh #8, you are worse than #6 was), and there was nothing I could really point to, and say to Q., “There it is- that’s the problem.” It was just a gut instinct, albeit one that was getting stronger every day.

So he ate the yoghurt, and then at 4 am he was up this morning, which is not unusual for him, except he didn’t want to feed, he just wanted to writhe and cry, and he couldn’t be put back down in the crib, and Q. couldn’t settle him, and so at 5 am I was in the rocking chair where eventually he fell asleep on my chest with the occasional burst of crying.  This is EXACTLY what used to happen with a dairy/soy exposure. It felt so familiar. And it sucked, but at the same time, I was relieved, because we finally had a clear answer.
Except Q. doesn’t seem to think it’s definitive- he STILL thinks I’m overreacting. We had a brief conversation about it and then (since he is a conflict avoider and I was obviously getting worked up) he just disappeared downstairs to shower, but it was clear from what he was saying that he doesn’t think having E. writhing in pain crying on my chest is definitive, even though that is what he used to do every time his tummy hurt, and he has never done it (not once) since we cut out dairy and soy. Nothing else causes it- not teething, not other food, nothing.
To be honest, I’m a bit flabbergasted, because I would have thought that the experiment ended the moment it became clear that our baby was in PAIN. But I feel like Q. wants to wait until the blood starts appearing in E.’s diapers again. And I’m just not going there…there is no way I’m waiting until the damage gets so bad his gut starts to ulcerate, not when he’s given me such a clear indication that all is not right.
There’s no way for me to say this to Q. without him getting defensive and angry, but having been the one to sit in the rocking chair, or hold E. on my chest in bed before he was in his own room, I can tell without a shadow of a doubt that this is a dairy reaction. I’ve sat through too many of them not to recognize it. And yet Q. is asking, “Well, what was he doing other than being awake?” and insisting, “Oh he does that back arch thing with me when he wakes up at 10 and won’t go back down too.” I don’t think there’s anything I can say to him that will convince him, because he already thinks I’m inventing the whole thing. But I was willing to entertain the belief that I was projecting; I was willing to keep going with the experiment, because there wasn’t anything definitive.
Now there is. And I need Q. to trust me when I say to him, “This is wrong; he’s in pain; we’ll try dairy again at the year mark.”, and not to second guess, or openly doubt what I’m saying. Because right now, my mama bear instincts are in overdrive, and if Q. dismisses what I’m saying, or tries to push me to continue with the dairy exposure, I am going to lose my shit.


Filed under Baby, Food, MSPI

3 responses to “Sometimes I hate being right…

  1. Go with your instinct on this one. I can tell you that Lucky used to be able to tolerate foods baked with egg in it, until the repeated exposure made him react similarly. We avoid all eggs, in everything, because it’s easier. And we go to an allergist to measure his reaction levels every year.

    Upset tummy is an upset tummy, and honestly, you have to do what’s best for your baby.

    I feel like it’s rare that two parents are always on the same page with parenting – at least, it happens with Charlie Brown and I now with LOTS of issues.

    Go with your gut, Q’s opinion be damned.

    Just my two cents.


  2. Sarah

    Aw man, that sucks! I think you’re right. Mama’s just KNOW when their babies are in pain. Even though Hubby is very good with Isaac, it’s so much easier for me to tell when he’s upset because he’s hungry/tired/hurting/etc. He usually defers to me because I’m more sure – sorry Q. is fighting you on this :(.

  3. Mel

    You know… you are MOM. Sometimes they just don’t get it. I have similar passive-agressive type situations with my husband and in the end, when it comes to mother’s instinct, I have to just trust my gut. I am so sorry he’s still reacting.

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