This is the summer/autumn of weddings for Q. and I, apparently. We’ve already been to one, and there are three more on the horizon (we didn’t have any last year). At the wedding in July we had discussed in advance how we would wrangle E. Basically, since they were my friends who were getting married, Q. was in charge of keeping E. quiet during the ceremony and the reception. I made sure I bought a dress that was nursing friendly, and picked up a cover-up, and a sling for E. E. slept through the whole ceremony. Q. spent a lot of time with E. outside the reception venue in the evening, as it was just too loud and too bright and too much for the little guy. He did get him asleep in the Snugli at one point, and then came back in just as the bride and groom started their speeches. E. woke up and really lost the plot at that point, so we said our farewells and left. It went well.
I’ve just been RSVPing to the other three weddings. For one the bride emailed me back right away to let me know that her sister was in charge of organizing a room for all the parents with little kids (apparently there are going to be at least seven under the age of one)- somewhere where we can go to nurse, change E., put him to sleep if needed. She also made sure to let me know that I could do all of these things wherever I wanted- this wasn’t a ‘banishment’ room. She just wants us to feel comfortable.
And then I heard back from my other friend, who emailed to let me know that while she would love to meet E., they had decided that their wedding ceremony and reception were child-free, and could I leave him with a sitter for the night?
I’m now drafting an email to politely let her know that Q. and I will not, in fact, be attending their wedding after all. E. is too little to be left alone for an entire evening (even with his grandparents, who live about ninety minutes away from where the wedding is going to be held). Leaving aside his lack of bedtime routine at the moment, we’re not using bottles, so he NEEDS to be close to me. It’s that simple.
It’s her choice entirely, and I can see why a childless couple might feel that having children at their wedding would change the dynamic in ways they might not want. But it’s surprised me how hurt I’ve been by this.
E. is part of my family. He is my SON. If he isn’t welcome somewhere, than I don’t feel like I am either. Part of it, I’m sure, is the leftover reminders of the infertility- the knowledge that if we hadn’t got so lucky as to have him, we’d be off to the wedding, none the wiser, and probably wouldn’t even notice that there weren’t any babies around.
I had to go downtown today to run some errands that brought me to the same building that houses my clinic. I popped in, even though it was cycle-monitoring hours, and I knew that was bad form given I had adorable E. in the Snugli, just to see when would be a good time to bring him to show him off to Dr. L. Dr. L. was already in, and passing by, so we managed to have a quick chat, and I was able to show him E. and say thank you again.
August 4, 2010 was day 1 of stims for the IVF cycle that brought us our E.
It is unbelievable how much a life can change in a year.