Vulnerability (and a belly pic)

Q. left last night. He’ll be gone for nearly two weeks. And I slept so badly last night as a result- tossing and turning all night, waking up at midnight, at 2 a.m., at 4 a.m.

Q. and I are real homebodies, and we HATE being separated. But every now and then he has to go to a conference for a couple of days, and, if I am being honest, those trips are kind of fun. I get to laze around the house, watching whatever I want (horse flicks and reruns of ST:TNG mainly), reverting to my undergraduate days of grazing rather than cooking, and making huge salads for dinner. I’m always really glad to have him home again- three nights apart is about my limit before I start to get antsy.

This trip is different. It’s longer, for one thing- the longest we’ve been apart since 2006. I was supposed to be going too, until the IVF worked. Once we knew I was pregnant, there was no way I was going on this trip- we weren’t willing to take the risk of two super-long flights within ten days. Luckily his family has been understanding.

But I think the main thing is some part of my primitive brain has kicked in and has recognized that my protector is now missing. I think Q.’s brain did the same thing- it was REALLY hard for him to leave me. I feel so vulnerable being home alone with bub in my belly, even though I rationally know that I can cope with anything.

It is a nice reminder of how good our marriage is that we absolutely loathe being separated.

But I could do without that reminder at this particular point in time.

—-

I’ve made a couple of necessary purchases to deal with my pregnant state. I bought new bras when Se.ars had a wicked sale on over the weekend. This necessitated me having a conversation with a saleswoman who hated her life, as I needed to be measured again. She tried to tell me I was the same size as my pre-pregnant self. Given those bras don’t fit, I found this unlikely, but she kept insisting. So in the end I just went up a cup size and found a great bra. I also found tank-tops with built in support for sleeping, and bought them in a larger size, so I should get a good couple of months out of them. They are so comfortable- loads better than trying to sleep with a sports bra on.

And today I ordered a three-pack of bella-band type things from ebay. Got them for $20, including shipping, so I am stoked! I went with black, brown and red. That should give me until Christmas at least in my pants, as my jeans are still fine, and only my black pants are causing issues.

But the best part was when I came home from uni last night, sulking because I’d said goodbye to Q. and couldn’t go to the airport with him, and discovered that on my front porch was a giant parcel from Mother.hood. My mum went shopping online after I went into the store and told her what I had looked at. She is awesome. I haven’t opened the package, as it is my Christmas present, but just knowing I’ve got cozy, comfy clothes in there, that I didn’t have to buy myself, makes me super happy.

—-

Lastly, Q. and I FINALLY got round to taking some belly pics this weekend, before he went away. And they have made a HUGE difference to my self-image. You know how you can fool yourself with how you look when you look in a mirror, but you can’t fool yourself with photos? These photos showed me that I do NOT look fat- I look pregnant! My belly is really starting to pop now, and I’m so excited about that. I’ve attached one below. I’m going to try to take them every couple of weeks from here on in. (This was at 15w4d).

Advertisements

5 Comments

Filed under Belly Pics, Emotions, Pregnancy

5 responses to “Vulnerability (and a belly pic)

  1. You look ADORABLE. Makes me so happy to see!

    Glad you’re finding comfy clothes that fit you. Be prepared to buy like two or three more sizes in bras! A bigger size for the end (recommend getting nursing ones if you plan to, to kill two birds) and then another size once you deliver and stop nursing (I settled back in a cup size larger than pre-pregnancy). And I used to be able to sleep w/o a bra — no more.

    I am exactly the same way when my hubby is away. Thanks for making me feel less crazy. I think it gets a little better and worse when the baby arrives. Better b/c you’re not actually alone, and worse b/c you realize you’re solely in charge of this tiny creature!

  2. You definitely look pregnant and not fat!

    I hate when my DH is out of town too…I hope the time apart flies!

  3. Look at that fabulous bump. My DH has also just returned from a long trip abroad – I watch his flight stats like a hawk when he is up in the air.

    Yes, more belly pics please. Keep them up.

  4. Mel

    You look fantastic! Almost too tiny to be even noticeably pregnant!! Little thing!

    Well, it’s definitely better he’s gone NOW than on the other end. UGH. J was on a business trip to Vegas when I was 37 WEEKS!!! And? His iPhone fell and broke at the airport the day he left. It was AWFUL. Just awful. It all worked out fine, seeing as how I went past due, but it was still nerve racking at the time. Watch a lot of good TV and eat whatever you want. I LOVE ST: TNG!!!!! One of my faves. Can never find it on, either.

  5. Just catching up – was away last week.

    You look fantastic.

    I remember when I was pregnant with O there was a snowstorm where I was completely PANICKED at the idea of driving home. Even though I live where snow is normal, routine, etc. I think it was me just realizing that my biggest job was protecting the growing baby in my belly, you know?

    Anyway, I hope the time flew and Q will be home before you know it. 🙂

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s