Fresh start

Q. and I have been away for most of the last month, visiting his family. And since some of my family came along too, there was a LOT of family. Don’t get me wrong- I love my family, and I love Q.’s family. But three and a bit weeks with never more than a morning or afternoon to yourself is just too much. Especially when this is your only ‘vacation’ of the year. But we survived, and we’re back now, happy to be home, if very jet lagged.

The one really negative note is that I seem to have arrived home weighing quite a lot more than I did when I left. SEVEN pounds more to be exact. Given I was running for most of the time I was away, I was shocked by the number on the scale, even with all the desserts I was incapable of saying no to. What really frustrates me is I can’t even try to lose the weight and snap back into shape as that will send the wrong message to my body just when I’m trying to convince it to hang on to any embryonic progeny we send its way. So I’m a) telling myself that weight gain before an IVF cycle is a GOOD thing as it means my body is happy and full of food and b) hoping that I don’t gain any more weight during said IVF cycle (unlike, say, my last one where I think I gained five pounds or so during the whole process). We’ll see.

So, since I’m jet lagged and not really capable of doing any actual work, I decided to stagger into the clinic this morning to get the ball rolling. Actually, I tried to stagger into said clinic both yesterday and the day before, but was so out of it on both occasions that I couldn’t get out of bed until it was too late to get there for monitoring. But this morning I did make it in, I saw my doctor, and we have a plan.

Q. and I said no to the genetic testing. It just seemed like too much money for no real purpose- no one could tell us just what our odds of chromosomal abnormalities were going to be. It’s very new technology, and for once we don’t feel like being guinea pigs. So we’ll take our chances.

I started Lupron today. The nurse assured me I shouldn’t get any side effects other than headaches- does this tally with what other people have experienced? I take my last bcp on the 2nd, and then go back in to the clinic on Day 2 to start stims. We’re aiming for a five day transfer this time around. I’m staying on the entire chemical cocktail of the last FET, so that means insomnia and lots of crazy after the transfer. Whee.

I will admit that it took me some time to screw up my courage and jab in that needle. Even though the Lupron needle is TINY, there was a big psychological barrier. That needle wasn’t just a needle- it was an admission that the next month is going to put me through enormous emotional and physical stress. It was a recognition of the fact that I’m stepping back on the roller coaster. It was a taste of all the needles yet to come.

I’m trying to focus on taking it one day at a time. I used up all my interest, all my yearning, all my desperate hope in the December FET. I could have stopped then. This cycle is for Q. So I’ll do what I have to, for him.

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4 Comments

Filed under Emotions, IVF, Medications

4 responses to “Fresh start

  1. Lesley

    I am here with you, and wishing you the best best best this cycle. You are so very brave, and I admire your courage and drive!! xox

  2. DeterminedDory

    Hey there, I’m a week into my first IVF cycle on Lupron, 20 units a day. I’ve had headaches, lots of them, but I’ve also had some insomnia. I can’t tell if it’s from the Lupron or the Dexamethasone, but I’ve really had a hard time sleeping. I also get an itchy rash and a swollen spot for about an hour or two after my shot. I have my husband shoot me up, I can’t work up the nerve to do it myself! In fact, tonight my hubs couldn’t be home for my shot, and I had to ask a friend to come over and do it for me. Good luck with your cycle, I read through your history and it seems that you’ve been through a lot. I wish you all the best! Feel free to visit my blog and we’ll go through this month-o-hell together.

  3. Stopping by from LFCA and just wanted to wish you all the very best for your coming IVF cycle. And don’t worry about the weight you will need to gain weight during a pregnancy so just think of it as getting a head start – LOL – now that’s positive thinking.

  4. Wishing you lots of luck and hopefully a BFP in September.

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