Q. and I have been away for most of the last month, visiting his family. And since some of my family came along too, there was a LOT of family. Don’t get me wrong- I love my family, and I love Q.’s family. But three and a bit weeks with never more than a morning or afternoon to yourself is just too much. Especially when this is your only ‘vacation’ of the year. But we survived, and we’re back now, happy to be home, if very jet lagged.
The one really negative note is that I seem to have arrived home weighing quite a lot more than I did when I left. SEVEN pounds more to be exact. Given I was running for most of the time I was away, I was shocked by the number on the scale, even with all the desserts I was incapable of saying no to. What really frustrates me is I can’t even try to lose the weight and snap back into shape as that will send the wrong message to my body just when I’m trying to convince it to hang on to any embryonic progeny we send its way. So I’m a) telling myself that weight gain before an IVF cycle is a GOOD thing as it means my body is happy and full of food and b) hoping that I don’t gain any more weight during said IVF cycle (unlike, say, my last one where I think I gained five pounds or so during the whole process). We’ll see.
So, since I’m jet lagged and not really capable of doing any actual work, I decided to stagger into the clinic this morning to get the ball rolling. Actually, I tried to stagger into said clinic both yesterday and the day before, but was so out of it on both occasions that I couldn’t get out of bed until it was too late to get there for monitoring. But this morning I did make it in, I saw my doctor, and we have a plan.
Q. and I said no to the genetic testing. It just seemed like too much money for no real purpose- no one could tell us just what our odds of chromosomal abnormalities were going to be. It’s very new technology, and for once we don’t feel like being guinea pigs. So we’ll take our chances.
I started Lupron today. The nurse assured me I shouldn’t get any side effects other than headaches- does this tally with what other people have experienced? I take my last bcp on the 2nd, and then go back in to the clinic on Day 2 to start stims. We’re aiming for a five day transfer this time around. I’m staying on the entire chemical cocktail of the last FET, so that means insomnia and lots of crazy after the transfer. Whee.
I will admit that it took me some time to screw up my courage and jab in that needle. Even though the Lupron needle is TINY, there was a big psychological barrier. That needle wasn’t just a needle- it was an admission that the next month is going to put me through enormous emotional and physical stress. It was a recognition of the fact that I’m stepping back on the roller coaster. It was a taste of all the needles yet to come.
I’m trying to focus on taking it one day at a time. I used up all my interest, all my yearning, all my desperate hope in the December FET. I could have stopped then. This cycle is for Q. So I’ll do what I have to, for him.