Well, maybe I should predict the weather, or organize train timetables or something. We turned up, as requested, at 11.45 am. Our two embryos were placed into my uterus at 1.30 pm. But since I had indeed brought a book (and we even bought lunch at Tims beforehand and packed it in), and I didn’t drink any more water after I finished my litre, it wasn’t too bad. I’m definitely in the groove now- the nurses all remember me and happily leave me to do things myself. They know that I know how it all works.
Our two embryos looked fantastic again. These two were the one natural fertilizer, and the last one from the ICSI. The ICSI one was a super high grade as I recall from the chart, and you could really tell. My f/s and the head nurse took pains to point out just how awesome it looked, even discussing with the embryologist what they could see on the big screen. And I don’t think they’re shitting me. I’m sure they muscle up enthusiasm and hope for every patient. But I’ve read the reports- I’ve seen the pictures. I know we make good embryos.
So I’ve come home to rest and relax, when I’m not popping pills or jabbing myself. They actually got me to do a Fr.agmin right there in the clinic before we went home. The nurse spent a lot of time preparing me for the bruising I can expect with the double dose of Fr.agmin and the baby aspirin. I’m resigned to it- I have always bruised easily. And now, yep, I’m basically a pin cushion.
I didn’t want to give the impression in my last post that I don’t have any hope for this cycle, because that would be a bold-faced lie. I have heaps of hope- loads of hope- dangerous amounts of hope. I know my thyroid is balanced. I know that I am dosed up to the eyeballs on every possible medication that could help (the head nurse looked at my instructions and said, “Well, you’ve got everything in the book here!”). Our embryos are great. My lining was great. I have absolutely NOTHING scheduled for the next two weeks as semester is winding down and I can miss the last couple of days of classes. I can just stay at home and mark student essays and read books for my comp lists, and relax. I am in a great place with school right now, so there is no stress hanging over my head there. I’m physically fit, but I haven’t been exercising much. I’ve made sure I haven’t lost any weight.
In short, I’ve done everything I can.
What I don’t think I have any more, and I used to, is expectation. I no longer expect to get pregnant. I no longer expect things to work. I have hope, yes, but if it doesn’t work out, I think I’ll be resigned rather than surprised.
C’mon snowbabies. Please like your environment enough to want to stay.