Case in point

(Continuing on from my earlier post today about my total inability to control my emotions at the moment…)

I went to yoga this afternoon, only to discover that there was a new instructor for that class. This is usually enough to seriously disrupt my routine, as I like the usual instructor a lot, and I also like my routine a lot. Sudden, unexpected changes stress me out (if I were being uncharitable, I would call myself hide-bound).

This would have been fine, except that she started us off in a pose that was “good for your uterus and your ovaries” (the class was full of women). She told us how this pose would “help with any oddities of menstruation”.

(Anyone who guessed that I was in tears by this point (FIRST freakin’ pose!)  in the class, five points.)

Then we moved on, but for most of the hour she kept getting us to “think about our wombs”. To “imagine the fullness in your uterus”. To “really ground yourself in the fullness of your womb”. I think this was supposed to make us more centred, more aware of ourselves as women, or something.

(Anyone who guessed that I then continued to cry for most of the class, five more points.)

I know it’s not really good yoga-speak to say this, but at the moment my womb and I aren’t in the best space. And, frankly, one of the reasons I go to yoga is so that I can get an hour where I DON’T have to think about my womb. Or my ovaries. Or the oddities of my menstrual cycle. Or any or all of the above.

I go to yoga so I can be blissfully unaware of what drags me down so often these days, even if that freedom only lasts from the first sun salutation until the final resting posture.

I go to yoga so I can cut out that part of me that causes me pain.

And yes, I know that one day I’m going to have to work towards acceptance, and unity, and loving all parts of my body.

But right now? Right now I just REALLY need a break.

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10 Comments

Filed under Daily Life, Emotions, IVF

10 responses to “Case in point

  1. Ashley

    T, I’m sorry that you had to deal with that! ((HUGS))

  2. Alexicographer

    Ewww. Ewww. I’m so sorry. And I emphatically would not be comfortable with someone who took that sort of approach unless it had been advertised as what was being offered. Yuck (that’s not “yuck!” as in “uteri are gross.” I got nothing against the uterus as an organ. But it is “yuck!” as in “let’s not assume that everyone in here has a friendly uterus she feels positive about [or indeed, a uterus at all].” Really, what was she thinking?).

  3. Mel

    I’m so sorry. Sometimes it seems like it just won’t go away, doesn’t it? I hope you get a much needed respit from it all soon.
    *hugs*

  4. That woman needs an education. I’m so sorry you had to deal with that in seeking an escape. I’m thinking of you and hope you find something that brings you joy this weekend. Not to sound trite at all, but I do believe you will find your way back to hope. In the meantime, feel what you feel and be true to yourself. And tell that yoga instructor to go shove it.

  5. circlesbecomeme

    I hear you… when you need that break – that space to just be and then it all goes wrong wrong wrong. And then you need a yoga class just to recover from the one you had!

    Wishing a bit of respite

  6. Here from Ashley’s blog. I’m soooo sorry sweetie. You’re in my thoughts and prayers. (((HUGS)))

  7. Ashley

    Thanks for the comment T!! It made me feel better;) I hope you have a good week. You are often in my thoughts!! ((HUGS))

  8. That would have upset me too. Yoga is supposed to be about the whole body, not just focused on one area anyway.
    My instructor spends most of the class instructing us to clear our minds of our worries and frustrations, moving beyond pain, etc. I feel just like you – yoga is where I go to get away from all the IF and work depression. It’s a solid hour that I can count on feeling relaxed.
    Our 4 weekly yoga classes are now being split between two teachers – one of which is awesome and the other is actually a Zoomba instructor. She runs the worst yoga class I have ever taken – really choppy and awkward from pose to pose, and I end up feeling tense and with muscle aches when I leave.
    Are you taking classes in a gym? If she pulls that crap again, maybe you can go leave early and take a steam:).
    Hope you have a better week this week 🙂

  9. Tag! I left something for you on my blog today (http://bodydiariesbylucy.blogspot.com/).

  10. Its so hard when you’re expecting something and get something totally different with anything in life… This different yoga instructor situation is horrible! I’m so sorry you had to go through that. I can only imagine that I would have up and left with a cold comment about everyone’s womb does not work with the same amount of success or something like that. HUGS! Hopefully your regular instructor is back soon and your routine can return to normal.

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