Cycle #6, Day 2 – one last kick at the can

I was still supposed to be taking the pro.gesterone today. But I slipped up and forgot yesterday morning, and by the afternoon AF had arrived. Guess my body wanted to get the show on the road.

So, clinic for me this morning. My usual f/s was back, and I think I’m glad he was away last cycle, as he thought it would have been worth pressing onwards. Having had one really long cycle on clomid, and one that went a week and a bit past day 14 (first one of pu.regon), I had no interest doing that. No IUIs on Day 14? Chuck it in, start again. If we’re only doing one more IUI, I want it to have the best possible chance.

And we are definitely only doing one more IUI. My f/s spent a good while going back and looking at my previous cycles. Then he sighed, and asked, “What about IVF?” (Not the reaction you look for.)

I explained that we really wanted one more IUI to give my body a chance to use the nice squeaky clean environment that the surgery gave me. He agreed, but I sensed his ambivalence. Even the u/s tech this morning wanted to know what we were going to do. I said one more IUI. She asked how many that would be. I said five. She nodded. “That’s enough,” she said.

They’re not pressuring me. If I wanted to keep doing IUIs, I’m sure I could. But I think they both picked up on my mood, my own ambivalence. My sense that this part of our journey is coming to an end.

Even with the endo, other than the disasterous cycle on Clomid there’s been no real reason for these not to work. Every time we’ve had multiple eggies, good lining and great swimmers. And my endo wasn’t invasive. It was mild, or just pushing moderate.

So I agree with them. Doing IUIs over and over again doesn’t make sense. And I can’t deal with them emotionally anymore. I actually found I had a tic at the clinic this morning on the left side of my face- right near my eye. I’m tired and worn out by it all.

Our game plan: 100 mg Clomid for five days, starting Day 3. Pu.regon 100 starting on Day 5.

Yep. We’re stepping things up a notch, because my f/s reckons I could be developing a tolerance to the injectable meds. He’s seen it happen before.

And then, if it doesn’t work, I take the summer and early fall to be me again, we save some money, and we go for the big guns in October/November.

My only goal for this cycle is to maintain the detached attitude I currently have (and was maintaining last cycle until the scan where my eggs had stopped growing- then I got agitated).

If it doesn’t work, I don’t want to think it was my stressing that mucked it up.

My big worry is avoiding stressing about school. I have been doing so BIG TIME lately, and I finally realized the other day that it is entirely because I cannot control this part of my life, so I am responding by trying to control other aspects even more stringently. I’m also obsessed with our money at the moment. Exact same reason. And our house is really clean (which I think Q. appreciates although he doesn’t really get why sometimes I feel that it MUST.BE.CLEANED.RIGHT.NOW.)

I’m still not learning the right lesson here, am I?

(Oh, and I almost forgot…new potential due date is January 28. Because even if I’m not hoping much with my new aloof attitude, I feel better knowing I’ve got you ladies pulling for me.)

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6 Comments

Filed under Medical issues, ttc

6 responses to “Cycle #6, Day 2 – one last kick at the can

  1. We are totally pulling for you! It is hard to make the transition to the next stage, to recognize that the thing you thought would work hasn’t. Someone said something to me when I made the switch to IVF that may be helpful here. She said that IVF isn’t the last resort — in many ways, for many patients, it’s the first line of treatment that has the most potential to work. It’s like turning on the lights of your fertility treatment and seeing what’s really going on (b/c they can tell so much about you by how many eggs you make, how many fertilize, how good the embryos look, etc.). So if that is where you are headed maybe there is a way for you to think about it as a positive thing??

    I hope you don’t need it. I hope a baby comes next January. I hope in the meantime you feel as calm as possible.

  2. Good Luck to you on this cycle!

  3. Ashley

    I’m hoping this is the cycle for you!! Two of my real life friends had six IUI’s and the 6th one worked for both of them. Four was enough for me…you just have to trust your own instincts!! GOOD LUCK!

  4. I’m hopeful this is it for you guys!

    I’m grateful for you insight about transferring stress… when you said that i finally put words as to why I’ve been freaking out lately about EVERYTHING. Good luck managing it all.

    Good luck!

  5. Mel

    Thinking of you…
    *hugs*

  6. oooohhh good luck!! keeping my fingers crossed for you

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