Who is this crazy woman?

So apparently my body doesn’t like changing plans at the last moment.

For the last couple of days I’ve found my mood gradually winding tighter and tighter. I’ve been waking up with a sore jaw (clenching my teeth?). I have to think consciously about breathing deeply. My anxiety levels seemed much too high. My heart rate was the same.

And then last night, I lost it. Completely. Total breakdown (in Q.’s office, of all places). Sobbing hysteria over something school related that really wasn’t important in any sense of the word.

Then we came home, and I had a letter in the mail granting me external validation for my studies (in the form of money for next year). And I was overjoyed. Tears of happiness.

Q.’s only comment as we went to bed? “Well, that was a bit of a wild evening.”

This morning, I felt peaceful. Calm. Energized. I think my hormones might have just levelled out.

I’ve got two days left on the progesterone. And then the fun starts all over again.



Filed under Emotions, Medications

4 responses to “Who is this crazy woman?

  1. Mel

    Hormones are such a bitch, eh?
    Congrats on your grant!!

  2. Nity

    Oh T — This is such a bummer re this cycle. I know the avoiding IVF factor and then it’s looming large. Grr.

    These 2 sentences:

    ~ Because it’s not how I envisioned my life. It’s not where I wanted to be.

    ~ Telling me I’m still young doesn’t help

    Totally agree. This isn’t how I envisioned life. But I have found in a twisted sense, normally it gets better than I envisioned. (And I’m not just talking IF and pregnancy stuff, some bad boy trouble too.) Just the dark times suck. No way around that.

    With the hormone stuff – you exercising at all? That usually helps me keep them slightly under control. But yeah, they are no fun. NO FUN. Especially when you are like, why am I acting this way? Boo.

    But props on the grant! I’m so excited for you. That’s great news.


  3. Congratulations on the grant! I totally hear you on the hormones…no real words of wisdom other than take everything one step at a time. Breathe in, breathe out. The good thing about hormones is that no mood is permanent!

  4. RM

    Q cracks me up! Sounds as dry and goofy as my K. So nice that you have a good guy to lean on.

    Congratulations on your grant!

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