I’m getting the hang of this waiting thing. I do have a new book (Possession by A.S Byatt, which is very interesting but also very dense so I really have to pay attention when I read) and I’m trying to edit my book (except this week I think it sucks, so summoning the strength to work on it is deeply painful), so I’m killing the time. I HATE not being allowed to run- I feel super edgy- like I’m a thread, winding tighter and tighter and waiting to snap- and all the walks I’m taking just aren’t cutting it.
I can’t say I feel anything, except cramps when I first put in the progesterone. (And, as an aside, can I just say that the clinic seriously underspoke (if that’s even a word- if not, it should be) when they told me to ‘wear pantyliners as the paraffin coating will leak once it melts’. Um, yes, it does leak, if by leak you mean create a steady gush of liquid that causes me to rush off to the bathroom thinking I’m incontinent every morning and evening. I’ve had to arrange the panty liners in various ways to try and absorb it all. I really should just break down and buy light pads, as these liners are utterly inadequate to the task, but then what would I do with them? I can’t see how they’re remotely practical in real life.)
Q. clearly is not subject to the same dull grinding fascination with the possible process of growth in my uterus that I am. I try really hard to only bring it up with him once a day. Last night, while out for a walk through the nicest part of the city, we had this conversation.
Me: So I’m trying to decide if we should test before the blood draw or not.
Q.: But won’t the progesterone give you a false positive?
Me: No, I’d get a false positive if I had to take the HCG shot, but I didn’t. The progesterone is just helping to sustain any pregnancy. It’s artificially raising my temperature, so we couldn’t assume I was pregnant from my chart.
Q.: Oh. Well can we test now?
Me: No. It’s too early. (Long statement about how hpts work and how seductive they are)
Q.: Ok. Well we should wait for the blood draw then, to know for sure.
Me: But we could test a couple of days before the blood draw. A test might work then.
Q.: But it could be wrong. So if we wait, we’ll know for sure. The doctor’s test will be more accurate, won’t it?
I had to admit that it would.
And off he went. I would like to write that his step was jaunty and he was whistling with his hands in his pockets, but that wouldn’t be true. It felt like it though- the subject (for him) was so clearly closed. He probably won’t even think about it again until next Wednesday.
Oh for that peace of mind.