How far along? Eight weeks.
How am I feeling physically? I’m starting to get two really sore spots on my butt from the PIO shots. I actually cried with one of them on the weekend because it hurt so much. I’m trying to get Q. to spread out into a different area, but we’ve still got four weeks to go with them, so I expect it’s going to get worse before it gets better. My Fragmin bruises are starting to fade, but the belly is still green and purple. There’s also a lot of swelling, but I do think I ‘popped’ a little bit this weekend. Seems crazy to write that, given I was barely showing at fifteen weeks last time around, but there is a bit of a belly happening now that isn’t all Fragmin swelling and I don’t think it’s all bloat as it doesn’t wax and wane according to the movements of my digestion.
My face is getting better. I’ve completely changed my cleaning protocol yet again. Now I’m not using any sort of cleanser on it. I wash it with warm water and a gentle face cloth morning and night, and at night I put on a heavy duty moisturizer (Boots No 7 Beautiful Skin- Night Cream for Dry/Very Dry skin). I am going to go back to Shoppers to get their day moisturizer too as my skin seems to like it. I still have a lot of redness and unevenness in the skin tone, so I need concealer to go out, but I’ve had a week and a half now with no new breakouts. Of course, it’s entirely possible that this has nothing to do with my new routine and everything to do with pregnancy hormones, but at least what I’m doing isn’t making things worse, so I’ll keep it up. I’m also working really really hard at NOT touching my face, as I definitely think part of the problem is caused by me touching it throughout the day wondering if I’m breaking out further.
The queasies are here in full force. They get worse in the late afternoon/evening, or if I let my stomach get too empty. I have yet to even come close to throwing up. I never vomited during E’s pregnancy, so I’m hoping this one will prove similar and the queasies will be all I have to cope with. I am having a lot of sudden food aversions. One day I can eat salad, but the next the sight of it turns my stomach. This weekend I could eat meat, but earlier in the week I couldn’t stand it. Equally sudden are the cravings. The worst one was on Friday. I usually buy a bagel with cream cheese for my lunch when I’m teaching as a bit of a treat, but on Friday as I was walking to the bagel shop, I walked past the burrito shop. I walked past this burrito shop every week all last semester (and the first week of this new semester) without once paying attention to it. I think I have bought a burrito there once in the three or four years since it opened. But on Friday, my entire body suddenly decided that what it really really wanted was A BURRITO! WITH RICE AND BEANS AND CORN! AND SOUR CREAM! AND GUACAMOLE! I tried to ignore this and even went so far as to stand in line for the bagel, but it was no good. When I realized that I was going to cry if I didn’t get to eat A BURRITO! in the next five minutes, I gave up and went and bought the burrito. It was every bit as good as I had been imagining it would be. So good, in fact, I was still thinking about it over the weekend. I suspect I’m going to be buying another one this Friday.
How am I feeling emotionally? It is getting harder not to feel confident. I’ve had two good ultrasounds where the baby was doing what it was supposed to be doing, and everything so far is lining up with my only other previous experience of pregnancy which, of course, delivered the best possible outcome. But every time I start to feel a little bit confident the anxiety comes steaming back in and beats me back down. But it is getting a wee bit easier starting to make plans for the coming months with the expectation that I will be pregnant.
I think we’ll tell our parents this week if the ultrasound on Thursday still looks good. It’s getting very hard to keep it from them, and we’re frankly at the point now that if we lose the pregnancy I would want to be able to draw on them for support. I’m finding myself shying away from social engagements so I don’t have to lie/misdirect friends about why I’m not drinking or about our plans for next year.
How does it compare with E.’s pregnancy? At eight weeks last time I had this to say:
The queasies hit on Sunday. Thus far it’s more “evening sickness”, with the queasies starting up after lunch and getting progressively worse from that point on. It’s not pretty if I let my stomach get empty around 3 or 4 p.m. But no vomiting yet, so I really can’t complain. Definitely more cramping than in the earlier weeks. I’m also getting really really tired by 9 p.m., but since I’ve got a lot of energy during the day, again I figure I can’t complain.
I’m not noticing the same level of cramping- maybe because my uterus knows what to do and is taking less time to adjust. But the description of the queasies is spot-on. It’s kind of fun to see how similar (thus far) these two pregnancies have been. Of course that makes me wonder if I have another boy in there. I originally thought girl because of the high betas (female fetuses produce more HCG) but the empty second sac explained those, so I’m right back to square one. I thought E. was a girl until the anatomical ultrasound (where I was pretty sure I saw something I didn’t want to see given we were trying not to learn the sex), but that was mostly because I couldn’t imagine raising a boy since I am one of three girls. I think I would love to have a girl but would also be happy to have a house full of boys.
On my mind: I spent an hour digging through our storage closet in order to be able to access the suitcase that had my maternity clothes in it (I knew exactly where it was but had to pull out a pile of things to get to it- we badly need to organize that closet…). I pulled them all out (musty as anything after being in the basement for a couple of years) and washed them on the weekend. I don’t need them right now, especially the tops, but I can see that my work pants are going to be very uncomfortable in the not-so distant future, so I wanted to make sure I’ll have alternatives. I’m not sure how much wear I’m going to get out of the tops, especially the sweaters, since I’ll only be really pregnant in the spring/summer, which is the opposite to my pregnancy with E. I will have to do some shopping at some point.
I’ve also made contact with a photographer to talk about maternity/newborn shoots. I know this is super early, but I never did either of these with E., and it remains by far my biggest regret. I did some random Googling and found someone who is basically perfect. Her use of natural light, her eye for composition, her ability to capture the moment, her focus on the beauty of the baby rather than twee/cutesy props all align perfectly with the way I see these pictures in my mind’s eye. Plus her prices were right in line with what I saw on other websites, and she gives you the high resolution edited images on a disk (none of this “select which proofs you want to purchase and then pay an exorbitant price for every print”), which was a deal breaker for me. We’ve been emailing and while I’ll wait a few more weeks to book given her deposits are non-refundable, I’m confident she’s the right choice. It’s my hope that I can build a relationship with her and book her in for an annual photo session with my family. I’m sick of never being in the photos myself!
Sleep? I am so afraid to write about this in case I jinx myself, but my sleep since getting pregnant has been a BILLION times better than it has been in years. I sleep all the way through (and by “all the way through” I mean until 6 a.m. or later) at least three or four times a week, and if I do wake up earlier I can usually drift off again, even if I wake up at 4 a.m. This is like night and day from what my sleep has been like for so long. I have no idea what’s doing it, but I’m going to take it and love it for as long as it lasts!
Best moment: The ultrasound was great, obviously, because it was a huge relief to know that baby is growing well and the food poisoning/gastro incident had no impact. But I think the best part of this week has been watching E. process what is going on. We told him after the ultrasound on Thursday. This was earlier than we would have liked, but we both felt it was important given how obviously worried he’s been about why I’m going to the doctor so much. Since then it’s just been one hilarious conversation after another:
After me telling E. that I am growing a baby in my uterus.
E.: “When the baby is born it will play with baby toys.”
Me: “That’s right. When the baby is born it will be too little to play with any of your toys.”
E.: “The baby has to play with its toys.”
Apparently this was his greatest concern as he then started talking about something else.
While making dinner that night, out of the blue:
E.: “When the baby is born, where will it sleep now?”
Me: “Well, the baby will sleep in the same room as Mummy and Daddy for the first few months, just like you did, and then we’re going to turn my study into a room. We thought that you might like to have that room because it’s bigger, but if you’d rather stay in your room, the baby could have my study.”
E.: “No! You want the baby to have your room. The baby is small. It doesn’t need the big room.”
Friday morning at breakfast:
E.: “You want Mummy to tell you when it will be when the baby is born.”
Me: “The baby is too small to come out now. It’s not ready to come out for a long time. It will be September when the baby is born.”
I get out the calendar and show E. the months.
E.: “What will the baby do after its birthday is over?”
Me: “The baby will probably sleep. You slept a lot on your first night.”
Q.: “And then on the second night you didn’t sleep at all!”
E.: *thoughtful* “You got a garbage truck on your birthday. When is your birthday?”
Me: “Your birthday is in May.”
The first thing E. said to Q. when he picked him up from nursery school on Friday afternoon:
E.: “Mummy is growing a baby in her tummy!”
We still don’t know if he told everyone else at nursery school this as well…
E.: “What is the baby’s name going to be?”
Me: “We don’t know yet. We don’t know if it will be a boy or a girl. Do you have an idea for what the baby’s name should be?”
E.: “Bum Bum!” *starts laughing*
Me: “Bum Bum?!”
E.: *still laughing* “Yobster Yobster!” (Lobster Lobster) “Yobster Claw!”
Saturday, at dinner, out of the blue:
E.: *lifts up his shirt* “You is growing a baby too!”
Q.: “You’re growing a baby, E.?”
E.: “Yes! In me tummy!”
Me: “Does your baby have a name?”
E.: “No. He’s just called the baby. He’s too small. He’s not ready to come out yet.”
I can’t believe how much he seems to be thinking about the baby, and how much of what we’ve said he seems to be processing. He is very interested in knowing when exactly the baby is going to be born. Other than that, a lot of his questions revolve around concern for his current state of affairs. It’s amazing how quickly his thoughts turned to concern that the baby would be using *his* things.
Other stuff: At the clinic on Thursday I was given the all clear to stop the Fragmin and to start weaning of the prednisone. I’m guessing I’ll get the all clear to stop the prednisone this Thursday, and will probably start weaning off the Metformin as well. The PIO shots, the Estrace and the baby Aspirin are going to stick with me until the 12 week mark.
Up next: Another ultrasound on Thursday since I’ll be in for another intralipid infusion. Hopefully getting good news from that so we can tell our parents (or try to get E. to tell them, which could be hilarious).